house and home, humor, relationships, sleep

Pillow Fight Survival Games

COME ONE! COME ALL!

AND WELCOME TO THE PILLOW FIGHT SURVIVAL GAMES!

The what? Quiet… Just listen.IMG_0465

For some reason, I have been kicking off the bed sheets at night and as of this morning, I woke up to every pillow on the floor. And all the sheets on the other side of the bed and/or the floor. Okay… The rumor is that I’m having night terrors in my sleep but if that was the case, wouldn’t the hot guy next to me be waking up with a black eye and bruises?

Is he?

No. He is not.

IMG_0439.jpgActually… I think he’s finding this whole – throw every linen off the bed – thing, hysterically funny.

Simpli Home Memphis Storage Ottoman Bench

I got up this morning like I normally do, got the morning routine knocked out, etc. The next thing I know, 7 AM rolls around, the sun is up… and I’m seething in pain! Now, I don’t know if that means I overdid it editing for 8 hours yesterday, and then hitting the computer desk again for another few hours of busy work this morning; (or your killer workout for that upper body on Saturday…) But, I’m feeling quite certain that it was the no-pillow having mattress I woke up to this morning. Wait, what?

Takeya USA

Look. Waking up with his arm in my neck isn’t exactly ideal. And a stiff neck due to pillow deprivation was not how I preferred to execute my daily activities. I am  definitely a believer that this is an open and shut case of the neck hook sleeper monster. Huh? Oh yeah, definitely that. True story. No it’s not. You got me. I made up the monster. I figured. More on that in another post! Please don’t. Oh… it’s done. *sigh

Spooning is literally the best sleeping position ever. Why it’s called the fetal position when you sleep alone and only when a secondary person sleeps next you is it called spooning, is beyond me. I think it should be called FPsquared.  A quandary. Indeed.

FiveStar

Not really.

Oh,

Anyhow, superman is so much bigger than me that I am like a baby joey in the front pocket of a kangaroo, except with a large arm that falls literally right in the crick of my neck. Literally… and figuratively. Just kidding. He’s not a pain in my arse all the time.

Bugatchi 1600x300

*looks around the room for a witness to me notating air quotes on “all the time.”

Circling back, I mapped out a game plan to retain my body pillow in close proximity of my blanket and now pillow thief. Here it is:

  1. Build a pillow wall in the middle of the bed with the extra, unused puff comfy’s that usually sit on the floor at night.
  2. Hug as tightly as possible to my body pillow – and blankets – as squishy tight as possible. Resistance is futile. Right.
  3. Swat away any sneaky, unsuspecting large man arms from turning my comfort zone into a pillow fight war zone. How? I don’t know… fly swatter? Cookie bait on the nightstand? That might work.
  4. There is no number four. That’s all I got for ideas. Then why do you have it written down? Just in case something comes to mind before I post. *slaps forehead

BOOMIMG_0283.jpg

BEGIN IMPLEMENTATION SEQUENCE TONIGHT.

T-minus 1200 hours. Stop it.

T-minus some amount of hours closing in til’ bedtime. Knock it off. 

Fine. Anyway, I think I’ve been watching too many sci-fi movies lately. You have. 

So what if he seizes all the cushions and quilts tonight? I’m glad you asked… I do have an alternate scheme in order to retain my bedding on my side.

Well, what is it? 

Ready? Oh geez, get on with it. Okay here it goes…

# BACKUP PLAN #

PILLOW FIGHT

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humor, mother's day, mother's day blogs, relationships

Bare Bowling Buns

Here’s wishing every Hot Mama out there had a lovely,

Happy Mother’s Day!

In this special edition, we take the time to celebrate Mom’s on their special day!

Free Urban Luxe Cool To Go with your order over $20+ use code COOLER

I took my mom bowling. And to In-N-Out.

Real High Fallutin.

Indubitably.

Photo May 13, 3 02 11 PM.jpgI’m just kidding. I took her to a great little sushi spot out in the Inland Empire that had killer, trendy cut rolls. And I’m not kidding, “Killer” was actually in the name of some of these rolls! Anyway, The great thing about mom’s is that they truly don’t care what you take the time to do with them; just as long as you take the time to do something with them. In the event you have a mother who’s a nightmare, then this post won’t help you at all. And I’ll pray for you.

Now my little monkey who has been pining for In-N-Out for weeks was unfortunately Photo May 13, 7 16 11 PM.jpgdismayed when the burger joint of ALL burger joints was not happening; but, he was still a sweetheart the morning of Momma’s Day. Such a good boy! I know, I totally lucked out. He asked me what I would like and since I’m a – delusionally – low maintenance girl, I requested a spinach/egg/cheese/avocado omlette. No.

Actually, make that egg whites please. *slaps forehead

Lung health / breathing support

He was just so happy to do so …and I still whomped on him at bowling… and pool. Or he let me win. Most likely, that’s the case.

Nah. I whomped!

But, my mom will tell you that she whomped me on the lane AND the felt.

I’ll give HER the bowling. She definitely beat me at the bowling…  by a measly six points.

*wink

Here’s wishing every mama had a -competitive …and fun! – Happy Mother’s Day!

 

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happy mother's day, humor, mother's day, mother's day blogs, relationships, self-help, technology

Lot Lizard Momma

I feel I needed to expand upon the hilarity that is my mother’s truck stoppery.pexels-photo-981588

Last night, mom called me while she was still driving across country.

She’s on her world tour.

Anyway, she was having trouble trying to find a rest stop.

Yeah, she was still using that shitty GPS Machine Lady. And for all intents and purposes, her relationship with that location unit is the equivalent to my hate/hate relationship with Siri. Maybe hate is too strong a word. Loathing? No, leave it at hate. Hate is good.

We have an understanding. Let’s just leave it at that.                    

Back to mom.

Along the way, she stopped at a rest stop for gas, some food, let her dogs out to do their                doggy duty. Where she was hit on by a burly man…accompanied by a wife and kids in a rusty wagon. Not sure what that was about. But, I couldn’t stop giggling. So wrong. I know. Totally wrong. But you can imagine the plethora of questions that pop up in that situation! And the laughter. Way too much laughter.  I told mom just to quickly hop back into her truck because I don’t need to watch the ID channel to discover the mangled, murdered woman depicted in the show – after she visits a dark and scary place -matches her description.

One more stop for the night.  A truck stop for gas/food, more dog duty… and a lonely trucker mistook her for a truck stop prostitute. She hustled back to her car faster, waving and hollering, “Not your lot lizard here, dude!!” Aw, mom, he just wanted some affection. 

Again, I couldn’t contain my laughter.

healthy-person-woman-sport.jpgMoral of the story? Theres a moral here? No booty shorts when traveling abroad. What? Make sure you’re wearing some sturdy running shoes.

Oh! And grab a can of police-grade mace.

You just never know.

 

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**If you enjoy our content you can help keep www.ritaslanina.com going directly by donating over at Patreon