healthy and beauty, house and home, humor, self-help, Uncategorized

Special Delivery! Or not…

What is it with two-day Prime delivery now available, that when we actually do have to wait a bit longer for something we are impatiently throwing stones at our mailboxes.

You don’t do that? Hm-mm… Just me then.

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I’m always about keeping money in my pocket as opposed to spending it. I have not always been that way; but as I get older, I get pinching those pennies to a whole new level.

I constantly find new ways to DIY it which almost ALWAYS saves me a fraction of what I’m paying someone else to do and more often than not, upon figuring it out myself, I tend to do a better job of it and no one is the wiser.

don’t mean to brag; but…

Unless you brag about it.

Yeah, I do that.

Anyway, I ordered some really cute spring nail polish (gel) in January.

It’s March.

Exactly, and it’s still not freaking here.

It would be one thing if I ordered it off the Wish App. Girls, you feel me on that one?

shop til you drop, baby!

If you’re not familiar, the Wish app is a shopping app where you buy direct from overseas – for waaaaayyyyy cheaper than we can buy in the states. While this is a pretty cool app and from time to time I have had to delete the damn thing to control my impulse shopping; I have generally not had any issues with it.

Friends, family and the like that I have passed along this sweet app to have not always had the same experience as I have had. The clothes don’t fit right, the packages never arrived, customer service never responded to me, etc. You get the idea. Yeah, don’t download the app? No. That’s not what I’m saying, pay attention.

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I, on the other hand, have had good experiences with the clothes (they run two times smaller than American sizes), most of my packages arrived safe and sound (and even earlier than expected), and when there was a customer service issue, they responded quickly and in some cases returned my money for a damaged item, or non-received item, etc.

delivery status update, please.

Great experiences! Like you said. Right.

Now, I tell you the background story on the Wish App because if I was waiting for over two months for an item, it is to be expected. My expectations are in line with how the Wish App works.

Well, I ordered nail polish (gel) from the Wish App, and it NEVER arrived. Customer service was great, they refunded my moula and so I decided to buy from Amazon. I LOVE Amazon. By the way. LOVE!! Plus, I figured it’d get to me within a reasonable amount of time. Compared to… you know, never.

So when I ordered a set of cute trendy spring colors gel nail polish, I didn’t anticipate waiting longer than a week, maybe even two! IWhich is why I chose to order from our beloved Prime account in the first place. I wasn’t going to leave it to chance. Heaven forbid I get a letter from customs thinking I’m trying to smuggle in contraband beauty products!

I’ve been waiting for months. Literally.

Let Me Break It Down…

tik-tok… just a waitin’ fool

JAN 30TH: I’m waiting, so I swipe a nude/glitter polish on my nails and I lay in loathing.

JAN 31ST: I hate this color.

FEB 13TH: Still waiting…. I pop off my nails a few weeks. Do some outdoorsy hiking crap, get dirty. No worry on the nails even though they look like all holy hell and my girlfriends frown when they see I’ve still NOT re-polished and primed.

FEB 20TH: Still waning. I mean, waiting. No… waning. I’m definitely waning, or maybe it’s whining.

FEB 21ST: Either way, I’m still waiting. And now nail biting.

Simpli-Home.com

MAR 7TH: Focus on my 2-a-day’s at the gym, catch up on some reading, cleaning and organizing my space.

MAR 14TH: Decide to give my short, natural nails a swipe of white polish. I feel cute, trendy and rockin’. For about a day. Re-organizing my space. Again.

Put it here. Move that there…. la-di-dah

MAR 25TH: St. Paddy’s Day has come and gone. Still waiting. Peeled off that white-off, paper mate, look which was no longer working for me. Decide to check the delivery tracking. APRIL 9TH?!! Delivery expected by April – freaking – 9th!

APR 2ND: Stares out the window, looking for the stork to bring newborn nail polish colors to my doorstep. Wonders if they had to make the formulas from scratch upon receiving my order. And also, why didn’t I notice the delivery expectation date when ordering?

So, as of this post, it still has not arrived. And, since the delivery expected date said the ninth, it’s likely I won’t see these little bottles of nail beauty for another week.

MORAL OF THE STORY

CHECK THE DELIVERY DATE WHEN ORDERING.

*hence, read the fine print!

EVEN on AMAZON.

EVEN when it’s TWO. DAY. PRIME.

Exercise, healthy and beauty, humor, self-help

Gym-Smell-Timidation

I have been searching through my old drafts of the blog to see what is still relevant and – well?

None of them freaking are…

FiveStar

Why am I looking through old drafts, you ask? Well, it’s simple, I typically will jot down blog thoughts that eventually turn into these hilarious posts that you all enjoy. But sometimes, it doesn’t always work out. Add to that the fact that my frame of mind when I jotted – said ideas – down, are not my mindset now. So, essentially, they get lost in translation because of time. And my brain changing its mind over time. And for thus, tossed in the trash.

Especially when there is plenty of content right in front of my face.

Or rather, my nose space.

Speaking of working out…

That was a leap… Yes, completely unrelated at all. But stay with me here…

Takeya USA

The gym is a great place to go. I love it, I hit that place twice a day. Pretty much every gym I’ve ever been to has been great and I have no complaints. Except, maybe today….

Right.

Oh! Not about the gym.

Over the weekend my fiancé and I hit the gym. Now, the gym we go to now is small and quaint. And best of all usually fairly quiet. Even when there are other guests there working out. Everyone has – for the most part – decent gym etiquette .

I’m going to feel a little bad about this rant. No you won’t.

Takeya USA

And if you were there you’d be horrified too. Okay I’m listening…

Upon entering the gym, there was an – um… aroma? – yeah, you can call it that; but you’d be wrong. When you think of the word, aroma, you usually equate that to a nice smell. An inviting scent. Like, baked cookies or a whiff of a soft perfume. That chokes you in the breezeways. Quiet.

The student becomes the teacher…

Help! I’ve fallen and the skink won’t let me up!

Stop right there before you go nuts over the smell of banana bread. OR any other pleasant anecdotes of awesome essence of food.

The smell coming off of this other gym guest was horrifying. Uh oh.

If you are older, and you live alone, and you think you don’t smell – and I’m not knocking my elders here – AND its been probably days since you showered? You freaking smell dude. Here she goes. What sucks right, is that this person is so such a sweet guy but God Almighty, could someone let him know that using a shower won’t bite! Hell! Even my grandmother, who is losing her mind in a nursing home, gets bathed daily by someone because she cannot do it herself.

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Criminy!!

I hop on the treadmill anyway after saying hello and I just want to die. Dramatic much? Yes. Or jump off the treadmill and change my plans for a later date. Probably a more conservative approach. The smell in the air was so terrible that my nose itched and I kept sneezing and literally made made my stomach turn.

Again, I’m so NOT trying to be a meanie head.

Hygiene is a basic skill set, people!!

What if we all stopped freaking showering?! OMG. The filth that would ensue. The diseases! People would be catching Leprosy! What’s that? Some ancient disease from the beginning of time. What time was that now? I don’t know. When mummies were a thing or something like that. Great research job there. Eh. *shrugs, you get what I mean.

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Your skin falls off!

If you are an elder, you should already know this. The cleanliness thing, that is. Not necessarily about Leprosy. I don’t think anyone in our day and age has heard of or known anyone who’s skin fell off right in front of their eyes.

Did you give up on life already?

Oh wait, no… that can’t be it. Why?

Nope.

Uh, because you’ve rallied your pig-pen ass all the way to the gym for a workout! So, from where I’m smelling, you have the wear-with-all to scrub a dub-dub in the damn tub!

THERE ARE SHOWERS AT THE GYM FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE!!

Oh and that’s not the end of it….

While being less of a horrible reek; the nightmare continued beyond my scope of blurred vision from the clouds of dirt surrounding me.

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MEANWHILE: IN ANOTHER ROOM, NOT SO FAR, FAR AWAY…

My fiancé was doing the stair climber, and afterward was telling me a story of how he was horrified by an old lady smacking her deriere! Just so you have a visual, the stair climber is in the aerobics room. It’s a small gym, as I mentioned. So, if old ladies want to do Zumba. They plop on a video tape (or CD? I don’t know – I’m starting to think I’m in some time warp vortex), and dance around, following along with the woman in M.C. Hammer pants leading the class on the video.

SIDEBAR:

Why the low crotch pants? I don’t no; but I was given an unlikely description that this is what women with non-clean, uh, carpets (a.k.a. vajay-jays) who put off an unpleasant stench and this baggy crotch pant is a remedy to that. Oh geez. Well, you asked…

Well, wait, was that supposed to be a solution to a bigger problem? What kind of solution is that?

I have no freaking idea.

Go to the gynocologist!

Couldn’t agree more.

Pay attention. I can’t now. Seriously, iIs it just me?

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Because that was the first time I’d EVER heard of THAT reason to wear such an ugly style, of said, trendy pant.

Ugh, apparently…

I don’t even want to think about someone’s smelly hoohaw, thank you very much for that visual burned into my mind’s eye.

Circling back, so also during the class, that stinky twat video aerobics instruction, includes slapping your own arse in front of strangers.

At least your booty-smacking old lady didn’t smell like a garbage disposal.

house and home, humor, self-help, Writing Stuff

Stationary Shopping: Restriction Mode

FiveStar

I have officially been put on journal and stationary purchasing restriction. *sigh

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE stationary, thank you notes, decorative or personalized letter pages, envelopes, journal writing books, and even sketch pads. Oh, criminy.

I know.

As if I don’t have enough clutter circling around my desk. *whispers… but there’s still room in the blank notebook bin!

Trees in the forest are quivering as I write this, I know. I’m a monster. Terrible person. Hush.

There is just something about putting a pen to the page that just feels nice. Cathartic. Meditative, even.

And with Camp NaNoWriMo just around the corner, let’s face it, how can I possibly be expected to refrain from buying more highlighters and stickers?! It’s a nightmare I tell ya. A nightmare.

I truly think that it’s the little things we should consider finding joy in and for me its staaaaaa-tionnnnn-aaaaaary! Echos. Echos. Echos. Did you hear the echoing voice calling out?

Visitors Coverage

Oh, dear Lord… *slaps forehead

Did I lose you at Camp NaNoWriMo? Well, if you recall, I did an annual writing event last year – for the first time – called NaNoWriMo. An acronym that stands for National Novel Writing Month. During the month of November, writers from all over attempt to write 50,000 words in 30 days. While I have written books with as much verbiage; I had not done so within a month. So, I thought I’d add a fun challenge to my writing by joining in on the fun!

Watch me track my progress and see how I did in the video below!

Now that spring is upon us, daylight saving’s time has switched back, and I’m overcome with an aching to wear tank tops again… It’s also time for Camp NaNoWriMo. Another writing event that I will be attending. 

Again, for the first time.  

The goal in this event?  I’ve given myself a 30,000 count of words to attain. If you watch the video above, you’ll see why… 

If I can accomplish this smaller goal, then I will be able to add an additional goal for a quieter project that I am keeping under wraps until it’s release. It’s a non-fiction and that’s all I’ll be able to spill on that. 

Takeya USA

Camp NaNoWriMo will be the same duration as the NaNo event in November; except that Camp NaNo occurs in April. If you are a writer, or aspiring writer, add me as a writing buddy.

We can help motivate each other! 

I surely won’t need any stationary, as most of my writing is done on my computer. But, I simply cannot help myself when I see those adorable, blank notebooks that I clearly MUST add to my collection! No, you must not.

As I prepare to begin my writer’s retreat, I am besought with the urge to visit Ross, and Target for a few more blank books. No, you’re not. To creatively organize my month with colored markers and marvelous stickers of station. Hearts, moons, stars and rainbows. All unnecessary.

Oh. I’m doing it.

You’re on restriction.

Tattle tale. I’m doing it, so there.

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Oh! And never forget the glitter…