COME ONE! COME ALL!
AND WELCOME TO THE PILLOW FIGHT SURVIVAL GAMES!
The what? Quiet… Just listen.
For some reason, I have been kicking off the bed sheets at night and as of this morning, I woke up to every pillow on the floor. And all the sheets on the other side of the bed and/or the floor. Okay… The rumor is that I’m having night terrors in my sleep but if that was the case, wouldn’t the hot guy next to me be waking up with a black eye and bruises?
No. He is not.
Actually… I think he’s finding this whole – throw every linen off the bed – thing, hysterically funny.
I got up this morning like I normally do, got the morning routine knocked out, etc. The next thing I know, 7 AM rolls around, the sun is up… and I’m seething in pain! Now, I don’t know if that means I overdid it editing for 8 hours yesterday, and then hitting the computer desk again for another few hours of busy work this morning; (or your killer workout for that upper body on Saturday…) But, I’m feeling quite certain that it was the no-pillow having mattress I woke up to this morning. Wait, what?
Look. Waking up with his arm in my neck isn’t exactly ideal. And a stiff neck due to pillow deprivation was not how I preferred to execute my daily activities. I am definitely a believer that this is an open and shut case of the neck hook sleeper monster. Huh? Oh yeah, definitely that. True story. No it’s not. You got me. I made up the monster. I figured. More on that in another post! Please don’t. Oh… it’s done. *sigh
Spooning is literally the best sleeping position ever. Why it’s called the fetal position when you sleep alone and only when a secondary person sleeps next you is it called spooning, is beyond me. I think it should be called FPsquared. A quandary. Indeed.
Anyhow, superman is so much bigger than me that I am like a baby joey in the front pocket of a kangaroo, except with a large arm that falls literally right in the crick of my neck. Literally… and figuratively. Just kidding. He’s not a pain in my arse all the time.
*looks around the room for a witness to me notating air quotes on “all the time.”
Circling back, I mapped out a game plan to retain my body pillow in close proximity of my blanket and now pillow thief. Here it is:
- Build a pillow wall in the middle of the bed with the extra, unused puff comfy’s that usually sit on the floor at night.
- Hug as tightly as possible to my body pillow – and blankets – as squishy tight as possible. Resistance is futile. Right.
- Swat away any sneaky, unsuspecting large man arms from turning my comfort zone into a pillow fight war zone. How? I don’t know… fly swatter? Cookie bait on the nightstand? That might work.
- There is no number four. That’s all I got for ideas. Then why do you have it written down? Just in case something comes to mind before I post. *slaps forehead
BEGIN IMPLEMENTATION SEQUENCE TONIGHT.
T-minus 1200 hours. Stop it.
T-minus some amount of hours closing in til’ bedtime. Knock it off.
Fine. Anyway, I think I’ve been watching too many sci-fi movies lately. You have.
So what if he seizes all the cushions and quilts tonight? I’m glad you asked… I do have an alternate scheme in order to retain my bedding on my side.
Well, what is it?
Ready? Oh geez, get on with it. Okay here it goes…
# BACKUP PLAN #