humor, relationships, self-help

The F*** Valentine’s Day Day

7 For All Mankind, a division of DG Premium Brands, LLC

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY EVERY ONE! HAPPY F*** VALENTINE’S DAY DAY!

Huh?

Happy Singles Celebration Day! Stop it. Happy Love Yourself Day! Don’t.

HAPPY GALENTINES DAY! *sigh

Oh.. AND A HAPPY ASH WEDNESDAY!  

Right.

pexels-photo-207962.jpeg

So, this year on love’s special day there is this whole F*** Valentine’s Day Day thing I have been hearing about. So I figured… why not.  It would be the PERFECT day to get all dressed up, go out with one of my friends and head out on the town on a non-date, non-valentine’s day, f*** valentine’s day day … date? What the hell.

IMG_5590.jpgMaybe this is more of the Hey! If we hate V-day together, then maybe we will have something in common and become part of the love brigade and then next by next year, cupid’s arrow will strike and we can lose the *F***, and the extra *day and actually celebrate the Valentine’s Day. Come again?

Like normal people. You’re not normal.

In love! There you go romanticizing again… 

Oh gosh darn it! That hopeless romantic in me must be on autopilot. Hold the freakng

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phone.

What?!

This whole anti-valentine’s day thing is funny -at first- but in my opinion, a total crock. Yup. A date is a date no matter how you title it. Even if it’s an anti-date… date. On a F*** Valentine’s Day… Day. Date.

I’m so torn on this whole idea. We can tell.

On the one hand, I LOVE dressing up, going out and enjoying a fabulous meal. On the other hand, wouldn’t that just mean I’m that I’m much closer to getting back on that dating scene again? Giving this “love” thing another try? Ugh. I know. I’m exhausted already just thinking about it. Seriously, just pass along the dehydrated strawberries, some organic champagne and the remote to the Hallmark Channel. Oh and my slippers.

pexels-photo-269583.jpegOr send a driver because I truly am craving that Misfit burger. Rare. Mooing. By the beach. Solo. Fo real tho.

Excited about dating much? NO. As you can tell, while I’m not so super psyched to get back to dating anytime soon – so many weirdos, so little time – I do LOVE… LOVE. And by golly! I totally LOVE ME!

By golly?

So, I’m opting for celebrating the Happy Galentines version of the holiday this year. In

Photo Feb 13, 7 37 37 PM

camo pants, booties and a ponytail. Interesting “Tomb Raider” choice. Yuppers. And until this magical day of hearts and candy passes, stand by. Ooo, candy. Those dating adventures are looming and I feel it in the air that it will most definitely be entertaining.

Yes!

Saddle up my pegacorn bitches and let’s ride!

HAPPY GALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!

**SPECIAL THANKS to our sponsors 7forallmankind, bhcosmetics
humor, relationships, self-help

Man-Bun’s Bum

YCMC

As you all probably know, I workout on a daily basis. Why.

IMG_6136.jpgI make that healthy lifestyle a priority. Still… why.

It makes me feel good, pay attention, and who doesn’t love the option of throwing a back-handspring on any given random moment. Only you.

Likely; But…sure,. I keep that one in my back pocket.

*shrugs

You never know when that flip-flop is going to save the day! And I mean the gymnastic skill… NOT the ugly things people wear on their feet.

I HATE flip flops. We all know this. Don’t get me started.

Circling back. My trainer has a man-bun. Hate that.

And nice buns. Love that.

And it’s possible I’m going to catch some flack on the fact that I do not think men should wear their hair…. ummm, how do I say this…

Spring into Irresistible Travel Deals! Save up to CA$9 off flights & hotels with promo code SPRING9.Book Now!Well, however they want, certainly. As long as it’s short. Clean cut. You know, that Hey! I actually have a barber on top of this mop! Guys, let me shoot it straight. When us women -not girls- see a dude with long hair… long enough to put into a freaking bun, your HOTNESS factor literally flies out the window.

Oh! There it goes. It’s flying. Far far away. Where I keep my pegacorn.

I get that it’s the trendy beard of 2018, but as the trendy beard is losing it’s luster and man buns are now on the Ken of Barbie dolls, it’s time to let it go. Get a nice crew cut. Said grandma. Throw on your ‘kicks.’ Kicks?

Shoes people, shoes.pexels-photo-236287.jpeg

And throw on a nice polo shirt. The one with the horsey on it? Hey, I’ll even extend the olive branch to you guys wearing those “untucked” button-up, collared shirts…. untucked. Hey! Tuck in your shirt slob!

A cardigan is nice too.

The moral of the story is, if you look like you don’t care, no one else will either. I don’t care. I know, it shows. And blah, blah… Its not about pleasing “others” or their opinions. I don’t care what other people think. Got it. But, go ahead… DO YOU, or whatever you like, just realize when you get no honey, tail or whatever guys call it these days, it’s likely that your man bun, hobo status, is killing your endgame.

I know -for me- when I’m out and about twirling my hair up on top of my head, as 7 For All Mankind, a division of DG Premium Brands, LLCnice as this side thought may be…  Oh no. I don’t want to ask a boyfriend for a scrunchie.

“hey babe, can I borrow your banana clip?”  

Uh… no.

But, we’ll still check out your bums. *wink

 

*HUGE THANKS to the sponsors 7forallmankind, ycmc/nike, and cheapair
humor, relationships, self-help

Wifi Bikini Lessons With Mom

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Happy Birthday Mummy! Let’s grab those swimsuits and get ready for spring break!

It is mother’s birthday week and I wanted to get her something she needed. So… we’re IMG_5643.jpgtaking a trip? No. Well, I will be; but, sorry mommy you’re stuck in that snowstorm. Drats.

HeatAndCool.comFine. So, back to mom’s presents:

A snowblower? No.

A space heater? Come on. Slippers? Oh, maybe…

*shakes head

No. No. No.

Boo. None of that sounds fun. But it is -1400 degrees where she lives so…. *hmmmmm.  It’s practical! Let’s put our noggins together and try to figure this out.

No, but seriously, I like to buy gifts; not presents. Although, I am a huge fan of BOTH gifts AND presents! What’s the differenceIMG_5646Gifts are generally what someone can use, and maybe needs. Ohh, exciting. Not usually exciting at all. Presents are the fun, non-essentials side of it. Perfume or a car. Now you’re talking. while I ADORE both, I always like to find out what someone actually wants because they need it or will utilize it. Bath salts usually end up getting re-gifted to grandma; so here we are…

“I need a wifi, daughter.”

Ah! Perfect.

I asked her some pertinent questions to figure out what part of the wifi she needed – mind you – that; in it of itself, was a tedious task. Don’t believe me? Reference the above photo.

Anyone with a willing parent over a certain age who’s excited to learn the latest technology –of over twenty years ago– you gotta at least give them credit. Trust me… It’s hard to FaceTime anyone with a horse and buggy lifestyle. I’ve tried.

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Fast forward to the future: I’m on the phone with mom and three days later she figures out which plug turns this whole circus into a great show and somehow changes passwords. Minor setback. She finally learns –loosely interpret– how wifi works (thank you smart tv for making that easy) and she’s on her way to watching all shows I’ve been fortunate to be a part of and original music that I added to a playlist, on a loop, streaming through her house. Oh geez. Oh yes, I have an agenda, sometimes… *wink

Speaking of which: The I’ll Be Fine Official Music Video is here! Check it out! Comment, Rate and Subscribe! More new music to come as we wrap up some additions to the Opening Red Doors Album! All to be released on iTunes and searchable for your spotify playlists! And if you’re not too tech-savvy… give my mom a call. I think she’s got it all figured out…. *muah

 

*HUGE thanks to our sponsors Simpli Home, Heat & Cool, and OneTravel. Be sure to check them out! Special savings when you visit them from www.ritaslanina.com

**Special thanks and love to my mother who always rolls with it. You’re the best, momma!! Oh, and I know you’re excited; but, put your suitcase down… and take off the bikini.