humor, mother's day, mother's day blogs, relationships

Bare Bowling Buns

Here’s wishing every Hot Mama out there had a lovely,

Happy Mother’s Day!

In this special edition, we take the time to celebrate Mom’s on their special day!

Free Urban Luxe Cool To Go with your order over $20+ use code COOLER

I took my mom bowling. And to In-N-Out.

Real High Fallutin.

Indubitably.

Photo May 13, 3 02 11 PM.jpgI’m just kidding. I took her to a great little sushi spot out in the Inland Empire that had killer, trendy cut rolls. And I’m not kidding, “Killer” was actually in the name of some of these rolls! Anyway, The great thing about mom’s is that they truly don’t care what you take the time to do with them; just as long as you take the time to do something with them. In the event you have a mother who’s a nightmare, then this post won’t help you at all. And I’ll pray for you.

Now my little monkey who has been pining for In-N-Out for weeks was unfortunately Photo May 13, 7 16 11 PM.jpgdismayed when the burger joint of ALL burger joints was not happening; but, he was still a sweetheart the morning of Momma’s Day. Such a good boy! I know, I totally lucked out. He asked me what I would like and since I’m a – delusionally – low maintenance girl, I requested a spinach/egg/cheese/avocado omlette. No.

Actually, make that egg whites please. *slaps forehead

Lung health / breathing support

He was just so happy to do so …and I still whomped on him at bowling… and pool. Or he let me win. Most likely, that’s the case.

Nah. I whomped!

But, my mom will tell you that she whomped me on the lane AND the felt.

I’ll give HER the bowling. She definitely beat me at the bowling…  by a measly six points.

*wink

Here’s wishing every mama had a -competitive …and fun! – Happy Mother’s Day!

 

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happy mother's day, humor, mother's day, mother's day blogs, relationships, self-help, technology

Lot Lizard Momma

I feel I needed to expand upon the hilarity that is my mother’s truck stoppery.pexels-photo-981588

Last night, mom called me while she was still driving across country.

She’s on her world tour.

Anyway, she was having trouble trying to find a rest stop.

Yeah, she was still using that shitty GPS Machine Lady. And for all intents and purposes, her relationship with that location unit is the equivalent to my hate/hate relationship with Siri. Maybe hate is too strong a word. Loathing? No, leave it at hate. Hate is good.

We have an understanding. Let’s just leave it at that.                    

Back to mom.

Along the way, she stopped at a rest stop for gas, some food, let her dogs out to do their                doggy duty. Where she was hit on by a burly man…accompanied by a wife and kids in a rusty wagon. Not sure what that was about. But, I couldn’t stop giggling. So wrong. I know. Totally wrong. But you can imagine the plethora of questions that pop up in that situation! And the laughter. Way too much laughter.  I told mom just to quickly hop back into her truck because I don’t need to watch the ID channel to discover the mangled, murdered woman depicted in the show – after she visits a dark and scary place -matches her description.

One more stop for the night.  A truck stop for gas/food, more dog duty… and a lonely trucker mistook her for a truck stop prostitute. She hustled back to her car faster, waving and hollering, “Not your lot lizard here, dude!!” Aw, mom, he just wanted some affection. 

Again, I couldn’t contain my laughter.

healthy-person-woman-sport.jpgMoral of the story? Theres a moral here? No booty shorts when traveling abroad. What? Make sure you’re wearing some sturdy running shoes.

Oh! And grab a can of police-grade mace.

You just never know.

 

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humor, mother's day, mother's day blogs, relationships, Uncategorized

The Lost Single Mom’s Club

#paradisefalls #losangeles #fathersday

Leave it to, two single mother’s-on Father’s Day-to get lost in a neighborhood while trying to make a waterfall appear. Oooo look, a yard sale… Are those tote bags only a dollar? I’ll take them all, thanks! Oh, that’s right, we were lost… “Back in the car, you crazy broads!” shouted my sister’s, and my kids. To their mothers. And this was just the beginning of our “special day.” And how was everyone else’s daddy’s day weekend? I like to look at getting lost as more of an adventure… A new place for discovery, as opposed to the “where the hell are we?”

Actually was quite beautiful though

Carrying on. So, we finally get to the hiking spot, some $4.75 and 10 tote bags later, and find our waterfall. It’s tall and it’s beautiful. Ok, it’s tall-ish. And it’s got prissy dog owners all around the edges of it… Wait. What? With their judgement and ankle-biter dogs tied to the staircase we took -to get down to- this dope little spot. Are they trying to not get dirty? Sure looks like it. In a place where there’s dirt? Um, yep. I will never understand certain types of “L.A. people.”  I feel like I’m watching the E40 “Choices” music video unfold with this couple and their cats. I mean, chiuahuas. Why is that man tippie-toeing around squishy, wet marsh? Hello! It’s a waterfall, erm, area-type place… there. There IS water. Weirdos. Who goes to a NATURE hike and tries to AVOID the, fucking NATURE?! Um, they did, Sherlock. Anyway, not us! We go jumping into the watery fun… Well, I define, jumping off the high rocks, loosely. More like, watched OTHERS jump off the rocks into the water. While I sat around and got sunburned. Owie. It’s not like I didn’t want to jump off the rocks. I did. But, eh, I didn’t. In my best E40 voice… Everybody’s got choices. I stick to the rocks, I’m stuck to this bread. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ok, those aren’t the words, but you get it.

Sometimes, responsibility chooses YOU

Moral of the story? Don’t go chasing waterfalls. What? No really, don’t. While not all of us are lucky enough to be in loving and lasting marital situations; We are 1000%  lucky that we are moms and that we are amazing to have our privledge to be moms. Even on Father’s Day when we just want to curse the bastard who couldn’t take responsibility. Stay focused. We had a great time and so did our kids. And dogs. The big one especially. I think he was part duck. I’m sure the pupster would live there if he could. The dog, that is. Not the kid. Well, maybe the kid too. For children who haven’t had the luxury of a man to stick around for them? I’d say-at least our little buckaroos- well… they are turning out to be quite alright. Not all kids from broken homes need to end up on the Maury Show. “You are NOT the father!” Ah, music to my ears. And hopefully, mine won’t either. Is that show still on? Regardless, here’s a huge -albeit belated- Happy Father’s Day to all the single mommies out there! Now, get to Target and buy yourself some cozy slippers dammit! And a good wine to indulge in. The kind of wine that has a convenient spout, and is housed in a large box…