humor, self-help, technology

I HATE FLESCH

Hi guys! Today, I am going to gripe. So, buckle your seatbelts and leggo!!!!

If you have a website and you have data on that website then you are aware of the scoring system that analyzes “readability.” This is essentially the measured difference between being able to communicate to a child to a fully (college) educated adult.

Photo May 07, 11 18 10 AM
Notate: That blog score is NOT my score. Mine was given a ZERO.

I accept that this is the way SEO is somehow measured; but, I don’t freaking like it.

At all?

NOT. EVEN. A. LITTLE. BIT.

In fact? I’ve got an ax to grind here.

I f***ing HATE IT.

But, just because I hate it doesn’t mean I refuse to educate myself on it, learn how to apply it’s requirements, and ultimately implement action to help in raising the rankings for my website and it’s content. Look, I’m aware that my content is for fun and essentially “of the moment” therefore, unless updated annually, some of my stuff will just be dusty and useless. Which are some pretty strategic life goals, really.

Kidding.

crash-test-collision-60-km-h-distraction-163016.jpegI like to entertain. Maybe my words linger, maybe they don’t. Maybe I should just zip my lip in some cases; but, let’s be realistic… stop talking. It’s just not going to happen. Still talking.  I’m a chatty kathy. Knew it. A rambling woman. I don’t STFU.

So? You’re stuck with me. And the talking. 

Which means, you get to continue reading (or don’t) continue reading over this whining on the Flesch Scoring System. Boo! I know. I feel ya! Since when is it a bad thing to use words derived of a decent education? Isn’t this what we were bred to do. How about that SAT score? I guarantee you if that was online it would fail miserably too. High schoolers are on a must-know basis of bigger words that… See Spot Run. Or, Everybody Poops.

Both great books by the way.                                                  

While I adore 11 year old kids and their preciousness, the truth of the matter is… writing my blog so they can understand this would – IMO – be absurd! Very. Is the Flesch scoring system trying to assume that most adults can’t handle a word larger than four syllables? Ah, good theory. Or think in an educated manner? Duh, da, da’s. I was more befuddled by the thought that said scoring system presumes the average adult in our society reads at an 11 year old level!

But, this is also coming from a former 11 year old – me, people – that was called “four eyes” in elementary. And a “walking thesaurus” in high school. *shrugs

pexels-photo-346796.jpegNot funny, homosapiens! I have feelings – sometimes – too!!

I’m glad I was picked on for my nerdiness. It gave me thick skin and a blog that some stupid scoring system fails me on.

*shaking head

A failing score for word awareness. So ass backwards.

 

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happy mother's day, humor, mother's day, mother's day blogs, relationships, self-help, technology

Lot Lizard Momma

I feel I needed to expand upon the hilarity that is my mother’s truck stoppery.pexels-photo-981588

Last night, mom called me while she was still driving across country.

She’s on her world tour.

Anyway, she was having trouble trying to find a rest stop.

Yeah, she was still using that shitty GPS Machine Lady. And for all intents and purposes, her relationship with that location unit is the equivalent to my hate/hate relationship with Siri. Maybe hate is too strong a word. Loathing? No, leave it at hate. Hate is good.

We have an understanding. Let’s just leave it at that.                    

Back to mom.

Along the way, she stopped at a rest stop for gas, some food, let her dogs out to do their                doggy duty. Where she was hit on by a burly man…accompanied by a wife and kids in a rusty wagon. Not sure what that was about. But, I couldn’t stop giggling. So wrong. I know. Totally wrong. But you can imagine the plethora of questions that pop up in that situation! And the laughter. Way too much laughter.  I told mom just to quickly hop back into her truck because I don’t need to watch the ID channel to discover the mangled, murdered woman depicted in the show – after she visits a dark and scary place -matches her description.

One more stop for the night.  A truck stop for gas/food, more dog duty… and a lonely trucker mistook her for a truck stop prostitute. She hustled back to her car faster, waving and hollering, “Not your lot lizard here, dude!!” Aw, mom, he just wanted some affection. 

Again, I couldn’t contain my laughter.

healthy-person-woman-sport.jpgMoral of the story? Theres a moral here? No booty shorts when traveling abroad. What? Make sure you’re wearing some sturdy running shoes.

Oh! And grab a can of police-grade mace.

You just never know.

 

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humor, self-help, technology

NOT-SO-TECH Lessons With Mom

Ah, mother.pexels-photo-351970

Here we go again.

This time? GPS. Across country.

I don’t know what happens when we cross the age of senior citizen status; but, I gotta tell you, I will NEVER look forward to it and when it happens, I can almost guarantee that I will be redefining that age group for myself. And if it is true, that one day we turn into our parents…? (pause, think, think)…

I’m absolutely terrified.

My mom is a sweetheart. And yet… totally nuts. She’s driving across country with a GPS system that I am pretty sure would make a better paper weight. Every few hours or so, I get a call that goes like this:

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MOM: Can you go on the internet?

ME: Why mom?pexels-photo-220147.jpeg

MOM: Well, the lady on my machine told me to get off this exit and then I saw a sign for       Colorado. Am I in Colorado?

ME: I don’t know where you are, mom. What highway are you on?

MOM: Well… I’m not sure. It’s just dark and I don’t remember where the turn went.

*slaps forehead – At this point, I’m pretty sure her GPS “Machine Lady” hasn’t been updated beyond the township she once lived and therefore has zero capability of actually getting her across our vast American land.

ME: Why aren’t you using your Map App on your phone? That GPS is as useful as trying to scoop sand with a fork.

Dad’s Are Rad! Give Yours the Gift of Travel Today! Save up to $9 on flights & hotels with promo code MYDAD9. Book Now!MOM: Why would I scoop sand with a fork?

ME: Mom, please focus.

MOM: I don’t have a map on my phone. I don’t have a smart phone. I have a Galaxy.

ME: That’s a smart phone. Open the app on the phone.

MOM: I can’t. I would have to pull over and I don’t want to lose any more driving time.

ME: You’ve already lost drive time and your driving to  San Francisco.

MOM: I don’t want to go to San Francisco!!!

So, this could go on forever. And it did.

Trying to explain technology to a certain age group is fairly challenging. I love that my mother has taken the steps to keep up with it. But, she still has a long way to go.

pexels-photo-963457.jpeg

Wish me luck!

As for her trip across county… She didn’t end up in the bay area; but, someone did mistake her for a prostitute at a truck stop since she was traveling alone.

I’m guessing that’s the only prerequisite to that profession.

 

 

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