happy mother's day, humor, mother's day, mother's day blogs, relationships, self-help, technology

Lot Lizard Momma

I feel I needed to expand upon the hilarity that is my mother’s truck stoppery.pexels-photo-981588

Last night, mom called me while she was still driving across country.

She’s on her world tour.

Anyway, she was having trouble trying to find a rest stop.

Yeah, she was still using that shitty GPS Machine Lady. And for all intents and purposes, her relationship with that location unit is the equivalent to my hate/hate relationship with Siri. Maybe hate is too strong a word. Loathing? No, leave it at hate. Hate is good.

We have an understanding. Let’s just leave it at that.                    

Back to mom.

Along the way, she stopped at a rest stop for gas, some food, let her dogs out to do their                doggy duty. Where she was hit on by a burly man…accompanied by a wife and kids in a rusty wagon. Not sure what that was about. But, I couldn’t stop giggling. So wrong. I know. Totally wrong. But you can imagine the plethora of questions that pop up in that situation! And the laughter. Way too much laughter.  I told mom just to quickly hop back into her truck because I don’t need to watch the ID channel to discover the mangled, murdered woman depicted in the show – after she visits a dark and scary place -matches her description.

One more stop for the night.  A truck stop for gas/food, more dog duty… and a lonely trucker mistook her for a truck stop prostitute. She hustled back to her car faster, waving and hollering, “Not your lot lizard here, dude!!” Aw, mom, he just wanted some affection. 

Again, I couldn’t contain my laughter.

healthy-person-woman-sport.jpgMoral of the story? Theres a moral here? No booty shorts when traveling abroad. What? Make sure you’re wearing some sturdy running shoes.

Oh! And grab a can of police-grade mace.

You just never know.


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happy mother's day, mother's day, mother's day blogs

Mother’s Day Edition

Happy Mother’s Day, mommies! A thankless job comes to a head this Sunday morning to test all our little boogers on their merciless “thank you” skills. A day for us moms to bask in the laziness of the day and reap the rewards of motherhood. All in one day. What rewards? Do I get a trophy? That would be awesome; But highly doubtful. Wah. I like trophies. But who knows… I’m willing to take the little wins in life. Spread the gratitude for our mother’s hard work, laying out our futures. Although, why my mother keeps insisting I was adopted, is a bit suspicious. I knew I was really a Hilton. Or at least that would explain my insatiable love for designer shoes and handbags.

IMG_9446Before I could open a yawn to the day, my adorable child brought me coffee and amaretti’s in bed. Even the boy knows that without coffee, I am a miserable old cow. But, that wasn’t the end of it, he also made poached eggs and ham. I was in heaven. This is usually me on the other end of the kitchen delivery and this morning I was awakened to a blessed breakfast with a perfectly cooked egg, I might add. I knew this little munchkin could cook. Ok, maybe he’s not a little one anymore -the monster is pushing 6’1- but regardless, the monkey has been pretending to not know how to cook! I bit my tongue. Normally, my sarcasm and bratty tone would have commenced but I was determined to enjoy all this pampery. Please clean up. Please clean up. Please clean up.

IMG_9448I can’t believe it. Pinch me. He cleaned up too. No, seriously, pinch me. He put away the clean dishes from the dishwasher, took out the trash, and even tidied up the messery he made cooking said yum yums. I don’t know if I am in a dream or if I am being punked; But, I do know, it’s probably best not to question the appreciation I’m being shown today. Just revel in it. Enjoy the love spewing from the young buck. Fine, I’ll pinch myself. Hmmm… it’s not a dream. *insert cheesy grin here. I’m really a blessed mommy and my baby is turning out to be a fine young man. I hope all you mommies out there are having a beautiful day today. Take time to breathe it all in and enjoy it. Because tomorrow, we are on our own again, clucking to the underappreciated grind.  Bok! Bok!