Exercise, healthy and beauty, How To, humor, self-help

Third Quarter Fitness Check Up

We are in the third quarter of the year now, summer is officially over and now it’s time to check back in on some of those goals we have set for ourselves this year!

Most particularly, those darn fitness goals!

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Most of us get side tracked over the summer months. You too? Yes, me too. I mean, there are burgers and fries… EVERYWHERE. It’s almost impossible to escape! Even the best of us can succumb to some bad habits in an effort not to hurt the feelings of  a host/hostess of a barbecue. Selfish jerk. And heaven forbid you let the host of a party know you’re the A-hole who doesn’t want to eat what they’ve taken – both the time and energy – to present to their guests.

Yes, I’m usually that A-hole.

giphy.gifI start with the usual… “What a beautiful spread, um, would you happen to have something else that no one probably, regularly eats?” And it’s returned with the agitated facial response of, “really, b*tch…”

I don’t mean to be.. it’s just, I have that per view on my future and would like to live to 108 years young. A diet of trans fats and high sugars just isn’t going to get me there. And hey, by now, we all know what we should eat and what we should pull way back on anyway. So, really.. am I the A-hole?’

Yes. You still are. Where are your manners? 

Right. Noted. Well, moving on…

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Geesh. Well, in my defense… It’s literally. NOT. Rocket science. And neither is a decent workout plan. It’s intimidating to get started in the gym. You worry if you’re going to be the heaviest one there, or if you’re going to be snickered at by other visitors and the reality is that NO. And, NO. Everyone at the gym is there to work on themselves. 

Nobody cares that you are there. Nobody cares about what exercises you are doing. And look, nobody cares about you the way you should care about you. You follow me? If you have time to look around at others and focus on them – rather than yourself – then you are not focused on the most important person in the gym at that moment. Yes. I am talking about YOU. YOU are the most important person at the gym when you are at the gym. Let me repeat…

YOU. ARE THE MOST. IMPORTANT PERSON.

200w.gifThis doesn’t mean you walk around slinging weights against the walls and hog all the machines, or scoff at a dirty water fountain. This simply means, you are to focus on you, your health, your fitness goals, and what you have set out for yourself to get done this fine day in the gym during YOUR time there. No chatting it up at the water fountain. No chillin’ on a machine yacking away with some other lazy gym-wannabe.

JUST. WORKOUT. GET ON YOUR WORKOUT. BE ABOUT YOUR WORKOUT.

Okay, enough preaching… Oh, Lord thank you! Anyway, if you have been working out all year then I sincerely and humbly CONGRATULATE YOU! We are now in the third quarter of the year, life is good, and you are sailing through your fitness goal-setting. Do a little dance when you get home! If you are just getting on the horn here, no worries, you are also in deserving of a CONGRATULATIONS! …As well. Effort is the main requirement. How much or how little effort depends on you and only you and your goals! pexels-photo-1510540.jpeg

Oh.. and of course,  do a little dance!

If you are a newbie, then do these abdominal exercises once through (there are five exercises for this workout) at 10-12 repetitions. Work your way each day (yes, you can work your abs every day because they recover the fastest than the rest of your body parts) until you are doing all 5 exercises in this video at 12-15 repetitions, three times. If you’re just trying to change up your routine and challenge your abs then work through this routine three times through, with – at minimum – 12-15 repetitions, three times and work your way up to 20 repetitions each exercise, three times through.

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– THE ABS/CORE STRENGTH WORKOUT PLAN – INTERMEDIATE/ADVANCED EDITION

  1. V SIT UPS – 12 REPS x 3 SETS
  2. CORE CIRCUIT – 12 REPS x 3 SETS (EA. SECTION)
  3. INVERTED REVERSE CRUNCHES – 12 REPS x 3 SETS (GRAB A STABILITY BALL!)
  4. WEIGHTED PULLDOWNS – 12 REPS x 3 SETS  (ROPE ATTACHMENT WITH 20LBS)
  5. PLANKS – 2 SETS x 1 MINUTE EACH

 

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For those of you who like a workout buddy, take me with you and we’ll start off together in my latest post! I go once through each exercise, walking you through what I do and what’s been working for me! And hopefully, this will help rev up your workouts as well! 

 

**DISCLAIMER** PLEASE CONSULT YOUR PHYSICIAN BEFORE STARTING THIS OR ANY OTHER PHYSICAL ACTIVITY. PARTICIPATE AT YOUR OWN RISK. 
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As for the douchebags that are hanging at the gym. Bothering others.

Pay no attention to them.

They’re mothers never hugged them enough.

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fashion, healthy and beauty, How To, humor, self-help, Uncategorized

Knockout Nail Rehab

This week I thought it was time for a DIY.  Oh no. It’s been a while since we’ve done one pexels-photo-1367219.jpeghere and this one is a fun one! Yay! For the girls, anyway! And maybe for the guys too, who like to look at ladies’ with nicely manicured hands. And for the guys who don’t? Well… I guess I’m not talking to you and your exempt from this convo. No biggie.

Hopefully, it won’t be like the pumpkin seed fires of 2015, Or the alien abduction attempt of 2017. Oh, and this has zero to do with a zombie apocolypse; however fun that might be but as we females continue to do things to ourselves to keep a man’s attention… in some sense, it is a bit zombie-like. No? What the…?

Stay with me here.

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As long as I’m a hot and sexy zombie, with cute long nails, I’m cool with it. Let’s keep it real… I’m not going down the old lady train without a cat-fight.

*sigh, slaps foreheadpexels-photo-939834.jpeg

If you’re not a chickadee… maybe you’re a hubby, or a boyfriend, that’s cool… keep listening, this will save you money in the “keep my wife beautiful” fund!

Who doesn’t like more money in their pocket?!

Exactly!

pexels-photo-1819560.jpegMy budget includes a fat column for vanity. Shocker. I know. It’s a weakness. I love anything beauty, sexy, girly, hottie, cutie, sweet, adorbs, cheeky, glittery, sparkly – oh geez, we get the picture – Oh! okay, great! This isn’t to brag about money or anything like that, it’s literally that I have a budget and it includes a lot of girl crap. And in order to keep a handle on it, I’ve got a budget that tells me NO! when I’m getting close to going to far with said chick poo.

Your budget shouts at you?

Yup. Totally does. Now that I think about it…

We argue quite a bit actually.

Anyway, I generally get my nails done at the salon and the reality is I was spending close to two hundy’s a month! Hundys? That’s a hundred dollar bill y’all! – hunded, hunded, hunded dolla bills – sad attempt at a cool rapper voice. Yes. In my last album, I think I did some decent raps in a couple of songs; but it’s likely other rappers may not agree. Since I don’t claim to be a rapper on any type of front, whatsoever.

Nobody cares –  back to the nails, please.

Okay, okay. Not a rap fan? Fine.

So, circling back, it was about a two month set of tests, with trial and error, for this DIY.

A nail scientist? Totally! Oh criminy.

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I love going to the salon – lies– yes, true… I actually detest going to the salon. Its crowded, its like a puppy mill for for women, who get sucked in and churned out in 90 minute intervals for the gorgeous factor, and I am NOT a fan of sitting there footsie in the water getting to prune-scale all in the name of that #hotstufflife. Even when they double you up as you get a mani-pedi simultaneously, its just horrifically tedious.

Are you done complaining? No. I got more.

I can’t play on my phone I can read -literally – one page of a book because after I’ve gotten into my page they have confiscated all my limbs to get the beautifying job done. Leaving me without any means to turn the page to read the next chapter. Fail.

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And ladies, you know no one else is happy to be there either. There’s sort of this weird vibe where the other broads are irritated and/or annoyed or something to be there. And as much as we try to ignore it, misery loves company.

No fun.

When I go to the salon, I want to feel uplifted and gorgeous; not depleted and dragging.

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Dare I mention the hectic drive to get to said beauty torture routine? You dare. Seriously, the extra drive time, the A.D.D. that happens when I see a drive through coffee shop, or shopping mall… it has done me in on many an occasion, btw. It usually turns up a search party for the disappearing Rita. I can’t help it. I LOVE shopping. I don’t do it too often these days but send me out for a nail rehab, and your sure to find me avoiding it. I’d almost rather go to the dentist.

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Moral of the story?

You like going to the dentist?

No. It’s that doing my own nails was much easier than I thought it would be…

And, men…. you gotta appreciate the hell we put ourselves through to be beautiful for you.

Oh and one last tip. Even if you have trouble painting one hand, you can always paint the nail tips ahead of time before applying.

Enjoy the DIY fellow beauty zombies!

***And if you need product, click the affiliate links and buy what you need with today’s sponsor: 

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Exercise, healthy and beauty, How To, humor, new years resolutions, self-help

Morning Routine: Phase One

A.K.A.

      PHASE: PLEASE SHOOT ME.

Okay, okay, let’s get to it.  If you have ever tried to implement a new routine for yourself then you totally understand todays post. Now that winter is in full swing, the “new year, new me” hashtag in underway… it’s time for me to get back on that pony express and ride into the sunrise. Huh? I don’t know. But, what I do know is that getting into a new, or in this case, old routine that I had running before summer vacation is not an easy task. Blah.

pexels-photo-1037993.jpegI have begun by setting my alarm (AGAIN) for 4:40 AM months ago. Holy – too early – batman! I know, it’s early but it works. I don’t know why 4:40 is my time to wake but; it just is, and what’s even weirder is I usually get up before my alarm, rising to the the tune of 4:39. 4:17. Or even 3:53. It’s not natural. It’s weird. Totally. I get it, but like I said, it works for me. Cuckoo.

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After I’ve set my alarm for this – godforsaken – time, I have set a series of alarms to keep my morning in check. Now, it’s a work in progress as I have been at this for a few months now since last summer’s end. It’s so easy to get sidetracked in the morning… if you allow it. You totally allow it. I totally do.

Photo Jan 14, 3 36 56 AM.jpgAs free-spirited as I appear to be, I am actually extremely regimented and right down to the incremental minutes of my day. You’d think this would make me cranky if I don’t make a certain task or follow my alarm schedule but really I’m so much more cheerful, helpful and have more inner peace… Like, maybe that’s when my free-spirit-ness kicks in? Hmmm…. Even if I only accomplish one task, I’m cool with it. Like waking up? Yes. Like waking up. Routine is good, people.

Scheduled creativity? Yup. It’s a thing!

This morning; however, or rather the past few days, I have been rather sluggish. Non-motivated. I guess it happen to everyone. Let’s give a quick run down on my mishaps this week to put it in perspective.  Let’s start with the 2-a-day’s at the gym. I’ve totally upped my game on every aspect of my life and I’m feeling the lag. I hopped on the treadmill this morning and fell off. Hold on. What?

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Yup! Just, whoop…. slide. Kerplunk! Right off the back of that moving death machine. I’m IMG_0618.jpg
not even sure how that happens. No one else does either. Regardless. My body must’ve been signaled from the brain that day… not today sloth. Not today.

I attempted to read my third book (Yay!) of the year and it was moving the words around on the page. Boo. Not kidding. It was messing with me. It even hid itself from me. How does a book play hide and seek? Good question! When you find out the answer, tell my lost book, it’s time to give it up and show itself.

My back-to-basics boring food hauls. Well, those are just boring. Not much to report on plain rice and egg whites. Fermented probiotic drinks. Protein bars. Vegetables. Boring. Boring. And more boring. But food is fuel… blah, blah, blah. I know.

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Sitting at my desk to get work done? That kink in my neck creeps up again…. *shakes head, don’t get me started 

Photo Jan 14, 3 31 45 AM.jpgAnyway, I think you get the idea and then, boom! The morning routine I so meticulously orchestrated has fallen to the wayside. I’m now finding myself saying, my body needs to recoup-hit the snooze button. I’ll push my appointments a couple hours-it’ll be fine. Gosh, where are my favorite high heels I like to wear? I donated them? Why the hell did I do that-I loved those things. *remembers aggressive decluttering mission of November 2018

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Damn it.

You’re rambling and way off track. I know.

Just like phase one of that morning routine.