humor

Stay-cay Vacay

The time has come for my two week stay-cay vacay. Yay! With my yotube yoga sessions hanging in the balance from the wake of the insiduous mattress debacle… It’s vacation hour here on the ranch. What ranch? No ranch. You live on a ranch now? No, there’s no ranch. It’s a figure of–What the hell are you talking about? HOME. Just home… Another name for what I call home. Focus. Geesh!

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Hello stranger, may I borrow your lap for a photo? #tryingoutastranger

It pains me to sign off for a few. No it doesn’t. But, whether it does or doesn’t cause me sickness, I can use these precious minutes for catching up on some reading (naked), extreme couponing (naked) or braiding my hair. Naked. What? I don’t know. I likely won’t get to either of those peaceful activities anytime soon. Couponing. Peaceful? No, but the nakedness of it all was, what I’m really looking forward to. Not necessarily the police picking me up for indecent exposure in the dairy case… But hell! It sure was fun thinking about the possibilities! Not at all really. Feel free to read up on past posts, comment and the like.  Embarking on the adventure of a lifetime which involves doing NOTHING. Hardest thing I’ll ever do. I’ve had four days of nothing due to my broken neck -it’s not broken, stop telling people that- and I’m already going nuts. Didn’t have far to go though. Nutcase ingrained. Or nut-filled. Trust that I will undoubtedly -and unfairly- be catching up on freaking everything I haven’t gotten to (like martha strewart-like projects) and that just doesn’t sound like a fun vacation at all actually. Nope. It’s more work. Blah. Where’s the flying ponies?! Flying pink-haired ponies with pretty wings and cotton candy scented confetti from their hooves, that trickle down as they glide across the sky?!

I want THAT vacay.

Not gonna happen.

Dammit.

But, I better just be happy I can sit in the bathtub for three hours, undisturbed.  Getting all pruney and stuff. Dreaming about ponies that fly…

Out here on the ranch. *slaps forehead

SEE YOU ALL IN TWO WEEKS! HAPPY SUMMER! 

DISCLAIMER: Yes. That happened. And, thank you kind man-stranger, next to me at the bar, I needed to borrow your lap and you complied.

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humor, Uncategorized

Happy New -4th of July-ish- Year!

HAPPY NEW YEA-Wait. Fourth of July? Grab your swim trunks, not your parkas! Ok, so I’m a bit behind the ball drop of New Year’s Day past; But, something just hit me. The start of MY year can start whenever the hell I want! #mindblown #youjelly

IMG_8574I used to love summers. Not that I hate them now: The heat. Blech. The people. Nope. The BBQ’s. Well, maybe love that. The beach. Definitely that. I do love to surf. Which I haven’t had a chance to do since moving back to California from Houston; But, it’s on my to-do list. Would explain the crankiness… *crawls through urban jungle* Must… get… back… to … nature… I stray from the point. Not so shocking… Anyway, as I get older, I find I’m loving the comfort of the indoors more and the productivity hamster wheel even less. I kid. Lies. I need to go outside! Stop it. Let me out! Ugh. At least I FEEL like I’m following my inner path -do you?- to my outer journey on this small planet. Bah. Still fibbing about the enjoyment here. *insert “fake it til you make it” grin here* While I’ve always lived my life, my way, even I get annoyed when things go wrong. Perfectionist problems.

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HAPPY NEW, 4TH… NEW JULY, YEAR -oh forget it…

Even though the 1st of the year has since fallen behind us -yeah, six months ago genius- I am marking this Independence Day, my very own top of the year. Nobody does that. Maybe not, but I’m going to. It makes sense, really.  Most of my work and nonsense starts to rev up in the fall and winter. Grabbing flip flops. HAPPY NEW YEAR/4TH OF JULY! That doesn’t sound right. HAPPY, NEW 4TH OF JULY, YEAR… Oh geesh. We’ll figure out the title of this shit after the celebrations. Don’t forget the bikini. Nobody wants to see a naked bottom. Get exited! There’s sand and volleyball waiting for me to abominate! Volleyball? I don’t know. I was pretty good on the 5th grade volleyball team at St. Thomas. I was going with that, for my confidence booster. *Wink.