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The Pineapple(s) of 2017

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Now that Ol’ St. Nick has made his way through our chimneys, left his boot marks of soot all over my carpeting, and there is wrapping paper remnants galore….

It is time for a little spring cleaning. Um, not spring. In the winter. There you go. It’s time to take inventory of all your hits and misses for the year. Then go Shop because if you’re anything like me – nobody is like you, darling – then you MUST have new clothes to clean up those messes!


Anyway, I’m a hyper-organized girl and can’t stand a mess. Zero. Any sign of a clutter-disturbance – and I mean, ANY –

Hippo Brainstorming In Progress
She wanted a hippopotamus for Christmas, she said. Now what?!

drives me batty.  Big-time fruit problems. Like pineapple-sized conundrums. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll help a person;but, if you’re a straight up, drama-atttracting, chaos-creating…. uh,  destroying everything in your wake kind of kiwi,  I’m out. Cluttered home, cluttered mind. Interpretation: I start my year-end inventory process with cleaning up paper, zucchini shavings -huh?- all out-of-order type messes, rearranging furniture -gotta realign the Chi -oh! and trying to figure out how to sell that hippopotamus I got for Christmas….

Ever notice that when you have a bunch of nonsense laying around on that credenza, yes…  or shoes scattered across the stairwell, omg, I’m listening…  or even dishes in the sink, keep talking… that your mind gets distracted so much easier and you’ll find yourself crying on the floor instead of getting  anything done you originally planned and had down on your list. Holy Moses, YES! All because you saw a wrapper that used to house a stick of string cheese somehow shoved in between the stove and the cabinets.

tomatoes-ketchup-sad-food-160791.jpegDamn snack wrappers.

They will put me down every time… 

I ditch all the Pineapples. The what?

The pineapples. How many do you have?

Not too many. But I have my own translation – of course you do – for this prickly; but delicious island delectable. As sweet and wonderful the actual treat can be, I use them as a point of reference for the fails in life. Ah. 

So let’s get to this year’s Pineapples!

For me, my pineapples were, including but not limited to

  • a happily ever after turned nightmare
  • figuring out how to sell that hippo
  • having to start my life all over
  • …and I still haven’t quit those (organic) energy drinks

Not too bad, considering there are people in the world who have it WAY worse than I did; but, nonetheless, there’s my blanket recap. Some pretty big life changing events; but pivotal moments bring change and change means you are growing as a human being.
  I don’t wanna grow up! Who does?! I surely don’t either…

But if you don’t grow, let’s keep it real. You’ll never find that happiness, success, or true love. There’s my “One To Grow On” PSA service announcement!

So I say, good, bad or pineapples, MAKE IT  HAPPEN! Now that I’ve taken inventory, I can make a plan to recover, rebuild, and  maybe ride that hippopatumus around the yard….

He’s growing on me and I named him Spot.


If you haven’t had a chance yet to enter the Goodreads Giveaway, there’s still time! Details below:

*Special TY for our sponsors, Splendid, Amazon, and 7-For All Mankind

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Merry Christmas!pexels-photo-688019

Santa has made it, he’s delivered all his presents (yay!) and it’s time to clean up. (boo!) Already? All this hubbub and it’s over. Done. Poof. Just like that!

No, just kidding…

We still have twenty-four hours of yule log to watch!

Christmas Eve was special this year to us as we decorated our tree, last minute,

Sneakily wrapped our presents for one another. Last minute.

…and ate Christmas Orange Cinnamon Rolls. Hot and fresh out of the oven!

Enjoyed EVERY minute!

As Santa flew threw the night, and I tried to listen for his sleigh bells, I was awakened by the seasonal sounds of car alarms going off in the city. Ah, Los Angeles in winter. Yep.

But, if you listened hard enough, past the Falcon 9 Rocket of last week, you’ll hear Rudolph and the rest of the reindeer hauling the fat man in red with all those goodies for all the children of the world. Cue song: Here Comes Santa Clause or Christmas

So cliche. Yup. Deal with it. I’m all  Yuletide cheer and a big glass of spiked Eggnog!
I hope you all have somewhere to go this Christmas and plenty of love and laughter in your path! I’m slapping on my Christmas war paint as we speak and throwing on some leather pants!

I love dressing up for the holidays. Of course you do. Especially, when I don’t have to cook this year! Oh, you fancy, huh.

Except, for some reason, these fake lashes are trying to gouge my eyes out. And now that the glue is drying – I use a hairdryer to speed up this process – the damn flutter looks crooked. Oh well, Cruella DeVille, here I come! Wow.  That’s right, No shame in my eyelash fancy game.
Online Sheet Music
Oh yeah, and I gotta make sure I’m pulling out that keyboard for more singing. Oh Lord. Yup, I’m a one-woman traveling band and if you don’t watch out, I will run you over with my harmonica.

Who walks around with a harmonica? It’s in my pocket. Stop it.

And what happened to the keyboard? Oh! That’s strapped to my back. Seriously, no.

Oh, Yes!

And… more Christmas-themed Karaoke? Ohhhh yeah, definitely MORE of that! You can NEVER have too much of that!! Um, I think you can.


Anyway, If you can take the time to volunteer today, do so. Those in need will appreciate it. Also, don’t forget to login to your GoodReads account today and Enter the Harbor Excursions Giveaway! Contest ends December 31st! Details below:

Ooops! I’m being told it’s time to open up the presents!

But first, I’ve gotta hit the holiday head and drop off my own Yule Log….



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Merry Christmas, GoodReads Baby

Unknown-8.jpegWith less than one day to go until birthday time, I have yet to spend some time on me. Boohoo. Now, don’t get me wrong. I did do a little pre-birthday celebration shopping last week (special thank you to my sponsors Kohl’s and my mommy) …that was VONDERBAR!!  Is that a made up word for wonderful?

Ahem, excuse me, I heard that was how the Germans say it….

Wow. *sigh

Anywhooo… like I vas saying. I (almost) went bananas on that shopping spree. But I got some GREAT goodies and that got me to thinking… While yes, it’s my birthday and I want it to just be all about me… ME…. and oh yes, ME!


That’s not really what the holiday spirit is all about. Ah, the double-edged sword of Rita’s Great Birthday/Christmas within four days of each other’s awesomeness. Conundrum much?

So, let’s do another giveaway! A VLOGMAS GIVEAWAY!

A RitaSlanina and GoodReads GIVEAWAY!


I am so super excited to let you guys know that I’ve been lucky enough to have teamed up with GoodReads and am giving away 10 signed copies of Harbor Excursions to Goodreads members in 4 countries: The United States, Canada, The United Kingdom, and Australia.

Whoop! Whoop!

I know, awesome, right?!! So if you haven’t had a chance to read my debut novel yet – or you have – and think it would be fantastic to give a friend for the holidays, well here’s your chance!  It will start at 12:00am PT on Thursday, December 21 and finish at 11:59pm PT on Sunday, December 31.


  1. Sign Up/Log In to your account.
  2. Search the Giveaways page.
  3. Enter to Win your copy of Harbor Excursions.

It’s that simple! 

Good Luck!