I did not know there was a name for this.
Ever date a guy who just disappeared? Stopped calling? Texting? Just literally…
I recently found out that this is called “ghosting.” This happened to me a few years ago.
How cowardly. When I finally ran into the douche a few months later, his explanation was that he had “heard I was connected to the mob and the FBI.”
Let’s keep it in perspective. And have a little fun with this. I concocted some true/false categories after putting some thought into this theory.
- helps in getting rid of losers – cement boots!
- background and fact check individuals – looks like youuuu did NOT pass the 3rd grade… now why would you lie about that?
- keep a guy on the up and up when dating me – aw he lay down his coat over a puddle for me!
- only a truly great guy will have no umbrage about the squad car constantly keeping an eye on me – is that a cop? Um, yes, best behavior. Always.
- keeps away drug and alcohol addicted scumbags – you have surveillance? Yep. Bye.
- keeps away potato heads trying to take advantage of me – why is that woman following us around? That’s just my road warrior. She’s a ninja and she’s deadly. Okay, Bye.
- their own paranoia thinks the homeless guy in my dumpster is a spy – why does he keep looking at me. Because he’s a bum with a grilled cheese sandwich. That’s what they do. Relax. Bye.
- they look more insane than dumpster guy – why are you fidgeting so much and why are your eyes bugged out like that? Later spud.
- disappears/no more calls/texts – I heard you were with the mob and the FBI – hmmm, really. Um, I don’t think it works that way; but sure, we’ll go with that… Bye!
If that was true then what a wonderful placard and keychain attachment! Add the magnet to my car to display proudly. And if it’s false and they want to run with it? I’ll take that too. The insanity that finds its way in our day to day world is truly hysterical. A lot of television much? The reality is that this was a drug addicted (I found out later) was a crazy person (too much drugs) and had every reason to ghost himself. Boo!
SIDEBAR: This doesn’t include the high school-aged community. No offense. You’re just not experienced enough in life to get the impact you have on people yet. Such a shame. All that youth and no common sense attached. Hush. Focus. The point is, you’ll get there and you’ll find this humorous. One day, far, far away. On the Starship Enterprise. Or Orville.
SIDEBAR PART 2: This also doesn’t include persons trying to elude a potential stalker-type either. That’s a whole other crazy circus. I mean the kind that need restraining orders. And straight jackets. And monkeys. Although they may get scared way if you have some gangster backup. But, if they’re brazen, you never know. Better safe than sorry and by all means, ghost that guy.
Until then, use this as a heads up next time someone “ghosts” you. They are more than likely doing you a favor. Whoop! Whoop! And you dodged a bullet.
Or rather… they did.
DISCLAIMER: JOKES PEOPLE. ALL JOKES. JUST RELAX AND ENJOY THE READ. AND MAYBE SLIDE INCONSPICUOUSLY BY ANY BABOONS. THEY TAKE NO PRISONERS.