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The Uber Upset

There was a time when getting into a stranger’s car was a total no-no. You’ll end up in pieces, spread all over a forest, offside a deserted highway. Never get into a strangers car, said “everyone’s parents.” You’ll end up on Dateline, Jane Doe. Eh, screw it. And, now Uber has revolutionized -not only getting into some unknown person’s rolling death trap -but a lot of us, frequently, do it all the time! I don’t know what happened to Susie, she said she’d be here by now… 

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hey stranger, need an uber… *wink

Hey stranger, need a ride? Smooch. Kiss your bum Goodbye! Muah!

When I travel, sometimes  I will get a great deal and have a driver my entire trip – My fav!  Or I am privy to finding my own way around a city… and I totally have to Uber it.

Which brings me to the time I accidentally got into a vehicle – which was NOT an Uber – from my hotel…

the second time.

Let’s go back to the beginning:  

Upon exiting the doors of a luxury hotel, phone in tow, and a little pin showing me that my Uber was already here. I took a glance around the circular driveway for the burgundy, 4-door sedan, my Uber app told me had “arrived.” So,  I see it and drop into a cozy seat, while waving my manager toward the vehicle.

This is it! Come on! Let’s roll!

bmw-suv-all-terrain-vehicle-fog-89784.jpegAs I jump in the back, I could’ve sworn the driver made eye contact with me, confirming this was our ride. I was wrong. And apparently, this happens often. Hopping into unknown vehicles? No. The “me” being wrong about the Uber-Driver-Made-Eye-Contact thing…. Like the first time I ran and hopped into a strange man’s Escalade, thinking he was my ride. He wasn’t. He was funny about it. He tells my manager, hey you buy an escalade and beautiful women jump into my car on a daily basis. Aw, he said I was beautiful! They get a hearty chuckle out of my miscalculation and we laugh it off. And get the hell out of this poor guy’s limo.

Fast forward to the second time I did this. Is this a habit? It’s starting to look like it. Hey, bad habits are hard to break. It only takes five weeks to make or break one; stop whining.. and hopping into random jalopies.

Circling back… As I’m closing the door and plopping comfortably into the back seat, my manager is pexels-photo-146049.jpegentering the car on the other side and the driver turns around – with probably the angriest uterus you’ve ever seen – and starts screaming at us. “Get the hell out of my car! Who the f*** are you people?” etc. etc. Needless to say, she was much more vulgar than I am giving credit but there’s truly no need to lower myself (or you guys) to the expletives that this woman was shouting. Since when? Hush. Come on, no fun. Lower our standards on a daily basis! Boo.

I did learn some new words though. C**Bubble. That are -d***sh*****s-stuck in my Fish-S***-stick head. And I’m not proud of it. Shame. Actually feels pretty violating to know them. Suc***le-D***. So much shame…

man-hand-car-black.jpgMoral of the story. Every day I wake up  ruined and ashamed to have learned a new vernacular, with an equally entertaining quandary of what I can POSSIBLY soak up like a sponge today…

on my next Uber ride.

 

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