humor

This little piggy is 5 feet…

All I ever wanted to do was grow.

Up? No. Never that.

Big? No. Stop guessing.

Butterfly wings? No.

Well, actually, if I can get a little bit of pixie dust,  I may still want that last one.

Since the age I could walk, I would dress up in my mom’s high heels and clomp around like a klutzy happy hippo in a doll shop. It became such an issue that the shoe closet was forbidden and had miraculously attached a padlock to itself.woman-s-legs-high-heels-vintage-car-turquoise-90767.jpeg

Ah, the struggle. *sigh

Low and behold and several quasi-grown up years later,  I’ve come to appreciate and adore my pint-sized frame and the never-ending array of sky high heels at my disposal at any given mall, boutique and online store. Which, I can get away with wearing because I’m a shrimp; And wearing said, height endorsers, have always added to my shapely frame -Bonus!-and never allotted me more height than most men! Perk! 

Yes, I’m a traditional girl and a man MUST be taller than me; even at my most towering heights… what height is that – a shrubbery? haha. HUSH. However, something revolutionary has happened to me in the last year…

I freaking grew an inch.

No, you didn’t.

I totally did!

IMG_5252.JPGI’m a whole 5’2 & 3/4. But I didn’t start out that way. And don’t tell my agent. Hollywood believes I’m somewhere in between 5’3 and 5’5. Depending on if I’m schlumping or standing tall; and you’d be surprised at how inaccurate those wikipedia/google size results really are anyway. For years… since approximately around 6th grade, I popped up to a 5’1 & 3/4″ and stayed that way. You still are short stack.

Quiet, you. Now, I’ve looked this phenomenon up (online) and found…

drum roll, pullleeaase…..

nothing.

Well, nothing worth any value anyway. Which means, I’m either an anomaly or I’m insane.

ummm…. and quite indubitably, the latter.

Maybe it’s because I’m still an active gymnast. Yogi. Underwater basket-weaver. Wait,

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yes… that’s me, folks!

scratch that last one. I’m quite sure that has nothing to do with height. My parents did a great job NOT allowing me to get caught up in the height thing. But you’re still a klutz. I’ve never really wanted to be tall and I’m proud to be a shorty. Hip-checking walls clumsy. I’d also like to note that my vertically challenged size has come in handy –aside from kitchen islands my shins try to constantly relocate ineffectively – in large crowds that I had to lead my tall friends though. Focus. Less body mass, more bob and weave. More body mass, you’re stuck like a pillared structure in the crowd wishing you were me… or at least a tiny tot-sized piggy. Like me.

Although, sidebar, I have been told that I am the biggest, small person, one has ever seen. I know… soooo complimentary, one gentleman caller. Sarcasm. Big and Small person, all wrapped into one? Ironic. Don’t worry. I let that one go to voicemail from there on out… “please leave a message after the beep. She will not be returning your calls and your bad compliments.” Good girl! But once I got pondering this silly notion, I decided, It’s gotta be the muscles. *wink

Or the ego.

Yeah, or that… =P

May you revel in disbelief for days to come, that I did – IN FACT (not fact) – actually grow an inch this year. No, you didn’t. We’ve measured multiple times. And some people don’t understand how to use tape measures. Although, I’m still checking for those butterfly wings and with the holidays coming up, it’s only going to delay my delivery.

Oh, criminy.

We can all grow, theoretically. Maybe growing taller isn’t a real thing; but I love entertaining that it could be; but how about this? Have you ever wanted to write a book? Think authoring a masterpiece is in your future? We’ve started a new series over at my youtube channel just for you! If you are so inclined, take a chance! Download your copy of  The WHAT BOOK Study Guide while you’re at it as well. You may learn something. You may write a book. Or you may use the pages as a coaster for your morning coffee.

Or design some killer butterfly flutters…  Hand me the crayons, please. 

Either way, take a chance. Grow. See what can happen!

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