Elephant Puff

You gotta be kidding me. It’s inflated. Like a bulbus balloon. A donut for your hemorroid-having ass. A, sort-of, squishy uncomfortable that is so inexplicable, that clearly, I had to share. Of course you did, Rita. So, my allergies are at it again. This time… with lotion. Yup. The good stuff you slather on, after a bath or shower. I had an incident. With the body butter. Hide your kids, this is one post you won’t want them reading… Are they gone? Ok, good. This is going to be slightly inappropriate. Ha. Slightly… Loosely coined.

No one should be allergic to body cream. Unless you’re me. In which case, of course, you would be… Welcome. Anyway, after an intimate engagement occurs… yes, guys, a pillow fight with all my girlfriends. Exactly. So perceptive. I go into my powder room to shower and clean up and I find myself extremely uncomfortable when sitting down on the commode. Hmmm… that’s odd. But, ok, fast forward to the shower. Sudsy. Sudsy. Bing. Bang. Boom. Lather up with the pretty salve once again… and as I slip into a cozy pair of supergirl underroos, I notice the underwear are unusualy uncomfortable to the touch. What on earth…

My little piglet had become a nightmarish tale from the inflated twat! My pinky is puffy. My kitty is… absorbinantly oversized. My box is rearing itself before my very eyes. From the inside out! I can’t sit down. I can’t wear underwear. Shut up, guys. I need an epi-pen for skin conditioner that’s creeped it’s way to my good goods! Sigh. Really? I take some allergy remedy and the swelling eventually settled after a few hours; But, geesh. Maybe it was the tomato sauce I had with dinner the night before? What? I don’t know. I don’t know where that came from either, keep up. Word to the wise, ladies… Keep your flower away from hidden casualties. Not all body lotions are out to get you. Just my body lotion. Stupid body lotion.

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