Tag: boobs

humor, Uncategorized

Boobie Coin Toss

Rita Slanina

First things first. If my mother says the word “boobie” one more time, I may get get sick.  Or send her to a loony bin. Either way, hearing my mom say that word? The way she says it?  …so uncomfortable. Straight up. It creeps me out. Hi mom. Anyway, now that I’ve got that off my chest- Punny- I ended up playing a weird game yesterday with a gentleman fellow. Wasn’t a planned game with rules or anything; But, if your’e going to throw money at me, why not, aim for my bra? Always wanted play a coin toss that ended in a D-cup full of quarters. Lifelong dreams. Over-achiever alert.

Boobie coin toss? Any time, Any place…
Boobie coin toss? Any time, Any place…

I’m sitting in the car and I’m suddenly being pelted by something. What the… I look down. What the hell… there’s a penny on my clavicle. I look around. Another flying coin. I think that one was a nickel. Hmmm… I look at my inside car-neighbor, seated next to me, and he’s just looking around. Pretending not to notice me, noticing him, noticing magical flying currency. Inside a Jeep Wrangler. Jeep Wrangler flying dough? Wow. Never thought I’d ever say those words in the same sentence…

So, at first, I giggle, and toss them back. And now we’ve got a full-on airborne monetary war. I up the ante and start tossing the little copper coins out of the vehicle. He doesn’t seem phased. Need a new plan. Screw this. Guys like to be generous until you express to them that you are “expecting” them to be generous. Light bulb idea! I’m starting to think the best way to get at a guy -when he’s playing the throwing of the money at you game- is to keep the damn money.  Boom. Mind blown. Winner. He stopped hiking the legal tender my way.

I know… cool ass piggy bank, right?

After the fun-filled afternoon, in a joy ride of soaring loot, I make my way home. Make dinner. Spend time with the family. Clean up. La-di-dah, just passing the next few hours before I hit the hay. I draw a bath and as I’m removing my unmentionables… a kazillion freaking fiscal elements dive from my chest to my bathroom floor. I look around and glance in the mirror, and I guess -even with the kazillion that jumped my big bra ship- there are about a handful more of wampum still stuck to my bosom.  Well… nothing left to do but unstick the little fiduciary coins and drop them in my piggy bank.

$8.77. Ha! Well, gee golly. I think I might play that game again…

 

humor, Uncategorized

Books Or Boobs 

Rita Slanina
Geek This.
Geek This.

Getting your teenage boy to read is like wrangling a piranha off of an underwater  basket weaver. I get it. He’s got a hectic schedule. Pretty intensive. In between dirty cleats and his obsession with pork chops, I’ve got some pretty tough competition.

The funny thing is, he used to read all the time. Remember ‘Diary of A Wimpy Kid?’ He loved those! We waited in line for our pre-orders on that series. Until he got too old for them. Sigh. It’s the discovery of Santa Claus isn’t real… all over again. *sniff sniff.  I don’t know if now, as a teen, he thinks it’s too girly or whatnot; But, I’ve got fix it. I’m a reader. Nerd. Ever since I was a kid. #nerdlife My mom had bookcases the size of living rooms and I would zoom through them all. Yes, I’ve always been the coolest geek on the planet, don’t hate. I’ll just *cup my ear and wait to hear your praises. No? Ok. Dammit. Moving on then…  So, I was reading online about how to get my man-child to read more and they say NOT to discourage ANY type of reading. Comic books, magazines, and periodicals- however small- encourage literacy. Is that so? Oopsie. I may have not, directly, told my kid NO, to comics… But, it’s possible those “reading materials” could have gotten lost in one of our many relocating, uh moving, situations. Possibly. Or a random possum ran by the window, grabbed them and ate them. Possibly…  I’m just not a fan of comic books. AT. ALL. Pictures with a few bubbled “Bam! Ping! Pow’s?”  I just never considered that as, quality, storybook reading. Love the artwork though! That being said,  my little monkey has always liked to read comic books. In Japanese, no less. And, today he even watches television with Japanese subtitles instead of english; But, I just want him to read a book. Some James Patterson with your lemonade, sir? No, mom. Maybe I should get a book, written or translated to Japanese? Now, you’re getting it, mom.

IMG_9598
#booklife

All the websites dedicated to helping to get your boys to read more all agree on one thing. Find something the kid likes and run with it. If he likes history, grab a book on that. If he likes sports, try an athlete’s autobiography. If his teenage hormornes are spiraling out of control, try a book with boobs on it. Wait. What? Ok, none of those websites mentioned that; But, it wouldn’t be that far fetched, you know. What about Wired Magazine? Architectural Digest? Science and Technology? That’s informative. Sure, but maybe not for yours, or my, teenager. I’m not saying to grab your hearty, all-american boy, some porn by any means. No, no, no. I’m just saying to consider slapping some boobs on a couple of those pages and he won’t stop reading!