humor, self-help

The Wedge Incident

50% Off Reverse Osmosis System (was $399.99, now $199.99). No code needed. Valid 5/22 – 5/31.

I’m a girl that will strut heels on any surface. In any place.. and naturally, at any time.

IMG_7390

Yet, without regard for natural land mass; i.e. dirt, hills, rocks and the like…

I have basically – and most accidentally – tried to kill thine self via high heeled wedge.

Uh, what?

Yup!

So, here I am taking a quiet summer in the country. Which has proved to be quite a challenge since it’s literally been eons since I’ve lived in anything remotely considered a “countryside.” Like, Ohio? Right.

And I’m wandering around in my cutest onesies and summer outfits and dawning quite a confident sashay until I roll my ankle and quickly recover from the meddling pebble that tried to annihilate me.

Steve Madden Women’s Feliz Dress Sandal, Natural, 9 M US

You think I’d learned my lesson. Fields abound. Dirt walkways. Cactus. Wait.. did you say Cactus? 

Yes.

pexels-photo-952628.jpegAnd Nope, this girl did not learn her lesson. Shocker. Hey, I’m a fan of the most scenic routes in life. And, yes, I seem to find them all… serendipitously!

The next day, I was helping to move things across hilly dirt that I proposed – wearing my cutest wedges – would be a breeze. It was only a couple of items so I wasn’t as worried a mishap would occur. At least, not two days in a row.

I was wrong. Not only did I encounter such a deja vu; but, I went head first toward a piny needled tree inappropriately named a sweet tree. Now, I don’t know if this is just ironically named by its owners or if its a real tree species. All I know is this thing tried to take a piece of me and keep it.
Shop Classics from Splendid

So, this city girl has to now acclimate to her new environment.

NARRATOR: Will she succumb to flip flop life?

Quiet.

NARRATOR: Is she going to have to swallow a tennis shoe pill on the daily?

Hush, you.

NARRATOR: Time can only tell; but, as long as a Ross Store is nearby, there’s a good chance that there’ll be some sneakers and flops could be ordained with glitter all over them.

YCMC

Fine, narrator in the sky. You got me there.

In which case, I could scoop them up.pexels-photo-681995.jpeg

Who would’ve thought that moving to a wedge would still be a sore move. It’s that high heel thug life or death.

Anyway, let’s put ice on that list.

If I’m going to die by the heel, I’m going to need it.

 

*Please visit our sponsors! They help keep us alive! We love them! =P
**If you enjoy our content you can help keep www.ritaslanina.com going directly by donating over at Patreon

Leave a Reply