PIP Masters

Never, has there been a happier day when we learned how the PIP works on our television. Really? Picture In Picture? So, you’re just learning about this… now? Whoda thunk it?! Clearly, everyone but me. What a modern revelation! Welcome to the 21st Century. Watching two shows at one time? Don’t judge me.  Or two sporting events? I’m a late bloomer. Or hey, let’s make it interesting by putting on a reality show and a cooking show at the same damn time. Don’t you dare. Don’t worry, nothing makes me more ill. Watching a show while perusing the guide channel? Ok, we get it. You have been living under a rock. 

Keep in mind, up until recently, we either did without TVs in our home or had the old big hunk of plastic that took two or more people to lug around. Unreasonably heavy ass shit.  Why were those TVs so freaking heavy anyway? No reason. No reason at all. I needed super human strength to even consider moving it from one side of the room to another. I’m a single mom, I can do anything… It’s the overachiever complex that probably keeps me from watching the boob tube every day anyway; But, we do like to watch movies and hangout. So, I finally broke down and got a new TV and who knew HD could be so… Crisp. Vibrant. Clear. So… twenty years older than I thought everyone looked. Yikes. I thought Taylor Swift was nineteen. Humph… interesting. I can see how old movie stars really are -and probably visually aged, more so- with all that caked on goop on their faces. Not a good look. Hire some new makeup artists. Let’s get a youthful glow going on these actors. Doesn’t Cover Girl make a liquid mousse that covers patchy skin and keep your youth alive and well? Do we need to see a grand piano-sized dollop of powder on your faces? I don’t think I’m still supposed to witness the “loose” part of the powder, after it has been applied. The poofery is real, Cruella DeVille.

Now, I’m a bit challenged with this ‘how to work my TV’ business. Because, I realized, that after we were playing with our fascinating discovery… my son actually is the one who knows how to use it. Damn kids. And I was just all thumbs the next day trying to figure out how the hell this shit works. Aw man, I wanna be a PIP Master too. Ugh… Help. Really? I thought I had it figured out, granted, vicariously through his actions of a child’s due process; But, I am sitting here now trying to wrangle with this couch potato remote system. Bah! It’s like I’m a monkey. Oh, what? Why is the remote lodged through the screen of the video box? Um, well, it wasn’t cooperating. Pay attention…  It wasn’t me. All I know is that I heard a woman screaming suck it. 

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