Girls. Girls. Girls. How any times have we gone and been with a man we believed was good for us… and only when he’s left us in pieces, do we realize that he was playing us like a violin all along? Makes me loathe the violin. Or classical music. And I loved classical music. Assholes. Look, there are signs. Warning, sharp curve ahead. Red flags. Flippity flap. Warnings bells. Bing bong, ding dong. But we often ignore them until we’ve been isolated away from everything and have no one to turn. Wait. Hey, where’d everybody go? Uh, you ditched them for dick. Good job. They gone, boo… gone. Oh, he’s gone now too? Long gone. Shocker. Sounds like you got yourself into a pickle. Listen, my sisters, pay attention. Here are some indicators that you may be in a relationship that is bad news. Extra! EXTRA!
#1 Secret Lover. This is a gimme. But chicks still accept the excuses. If he won’t introduce you to his friends, family (or kids.) “sshh… This is about is baby.” I bet it’s not. And gives you the excuse that it will upset his baby mama. What’s this ho got to do with it? “Let’s wait until the time is right.” Run. Fast. Get rid of him. Any man who wants a future with you will shout it from the rooftops. Ollie Ollie Oxenfree! Anything less than that is an excuse and it’s likely that you’re being used. Sucker! Wake Up!
#2 Baby Mama Drama. His baby mama is sending him sexy photos with the caption “do you miss me yet?” Ummm…. he’s still banging that heifer. Hot moo sex. I don’t care what bullshit story this douche gives you. Lies. You have a problem. You have a dirt bag with a baby mama problem. Let’s keep it real. Whys this bitch sending sexy photos to him, if they aren’t together? And she doesn’t know you exist because… It’ll upset her? Uh, but if I’m you’re boo.. Wake up. You’re not. And I’ve never sent my baby daddy sexy photos. Have you? Precisely… Not unless you was fucking. Tappin that ass! Any any fairy tale he gives you is just that, a fairy tale. He’s lying.. Child support is mandatory sans a bikini HO.
#3 Dwelling Squats. He lives in your apartment without paying for rent or bills. Good luck roomie! He’s -purposely- integrating himself into your space (and will inevitably drive a wedge between you and your housemates; if you have them.) Dancing with your marionette strings to convince you, charging you up to make bad decisions, break agreements (only for roomies-but maybe in other sitches too.) I don’t know about you but I surely wouldn’t appreciate a random man living under my roof for free. And sleeping in that bed, that isn’t his? Betcha the kids know exactly what you’re doing. Turn a blind eye, I dare you. This type of guy is making sure to agitate any situation, he takes over you’re whole life -work, home, spare time, etc. He’s twirling you over his head like a helicopter. And not in the fun way you think you’re having. Uh, what? Send that loser back to mommy. You did say he lives with his mommy? Right. I thought as much. Sob. Sob. He foreclosed on a house? Wah. Wah. He had to get back on his feet? Whatever. I’ve lost a home too and didn’t run home to mommy. It’s called being an adult. If he can afford more than one nice car and his mom isn’t on her death bed, there is no explainable (or acceptable) reason For his ass to be laid up in your crib -rent free. Bye-Bye, Succubus.
#3-A. Outward Tongue. He feels he can interject in YOUR household. Sit down sucka. Conversations within your home DO NOT include him. Or maybe they do, since his fat ass is up in there breathing up all the oxygen and forcing that the air conditioning run 24/7. That he doesn’t help pay for. Or reside in the residence -legally. But has his clothes and toiletries, as fixtures, in said dwelling. This Sasquatch needs a tranquilizer. Because not only, is Chewbacca doing a disservice to the overall peace of your household, This bottom dweller doesn’t even know his role. You are a visitor. Shut up. Granted… a visitor who has never left. Who’s propped his stanky ass feet up on her bed while her son sleeps on a living room floor. Oh, totally acceptable. Sarcasm. But, nonetheless, a visitor. STFU visitor. I must’ve missed you at the lease signing. You’re name is not on the lease; therefore you are blind, deaf, and mute. Excommunicate yourself immediately. POOF! And if you have a roommate and her boyfriend does this; She’s allowing it to happen… And, that’s a whole other post on co-dependency. Or stupidity. Both would be valid here.
#4 Is he trollin? Bitch he might be! This man manipulates your heart strings for your house keys. If you let this dude have a key to your place -he doesn’t pay for- AND he stays the night while you’re not home (further infuriating your living sitch) then uhhhhh… He trollin. This dude is setting you up for ruin. He’s using his protractor to get what he wants from you without you knowing it. He does isolated maneuvers that appear innocent enough but when put together, you can see his plan at play. The woman, desperate to latch on to someone, will not only fall for this guy but will defend him in every sense until he has left her broke and emotionally wrecked. In her mind, Everyone who warns her when they see it is a shot down messenger. When it’s at this stage, let her fall on her face. It’s the only way she’ll learn.
Hopefully y’all will learn something from this post. Is it love? Or desperation? Or got a good laugh. Stop acting like men are the light of your life ladies! Swiping light. Crunch. Stop giving guys the title of everything when you are getting nothing. What have you done for me lately? Thank you Jodi Watley. And you can get dick anywhere without the headache, so that’s not an excuse either. 1800dickmeplease. Be independent. Superwoman. Stand on your own two feet. You do have two feet, right? Think for yourself. Knock. Knock. Any cells left in there? If you’ve left out key details to your friends and family about this dude, take a step back and realize that there’s a reason you’re covering for his behavior. Captain Hide-A-Loser. And if you have kids… They should be you’re light. I hear angels singing. Confucktion says… Get your head out of your ass! (Sorry guys) All men are jerks until they prove themselves… so let them prove it by allowing them to make the right decisions… to earn your love. and if they don’t, toss them in the dumpster!