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Kinky Copies

A friend of mine needed some photos copied, printed or whatever. So, we took a trip to Kinky Copies and used their computers to make it happen. We are at the service counter-and it’s not that busy- and Marvin-not his name-but given the neanderthal that he is, I figured we’d keep his moniker under wraps. Believe me, I do not want to be this nice. He really was a freaking idiot. But, like mother always said, “if you have nothing nice to say…” Blah. Blah. Blah.

Pushing forward… On his name tag, I notice it says he’s part of management. Ok, cool, this should be easy. Nope. First of all, he can’t find the several files that were emailed to him. Pop Quiz Marvin! Can you find them? You’ve got two minutes… Annnnd… GO. Apparently he isn’t good at pop quizzes. Once he does locate them a full twenty minutes later, he proceeds to tell us that his black and white ink is out and can only do color copies. I feel like this da-duhduh is lying to…  “up” …his sales quota or something; hope that fifteen cent commission is worth it Marvin. Irregardless, we apprehensively accept it anyway. Well, more so, because we were in a position where we had to accept this load of crap. Well, fine… Marvin. Are you going to give us the black and white printing price? No? Oh… He doesn’t know how to work the override functions on the computer. I’m sorry, what? Are you kidding me? Am I being “Punked?” What kind of moron gets promoted to assistant manager and cannot do override functions? What is the title in question for if you can’t operate anything with your fancy purple and white plastic key card. Marvin. Or doesn’t have answers for your questions pertaining to the business of… making copies? Marvin. Control, Alt, P… seems pretty elementary. Marvin. Why do you have a title? Marvin. 

Kinky Copies charging for color copies when they’re black and white printing doesn’t work. Oh did I mention that these photographs printed out like they were printed with a reverse mirror. CAUTION: Objects in mirror are closer than they appear. This is ridiculous. I want to go chomp into a zebra. And, he wants to charge us full price for this fuck-up. He had the audacity to say, oh… they were sent to me like that. Um, oh sorry about that. Sometimes when I send pics over the Internet, exactly how they were taken, the person on the receiving end gets them upside down and backwards… said no one EVER. 
Did we just fall off a turnip truck? …Yesterday? Rhetorical people. If I’m not mistaken, last time I checked I, the customer shouldn’t be fined extra for your store’s lack of keeping the machines working. Hey I like gum ball machines but if it keeps eating quarters without spitting out some gum balls, I don’t keep letting it crunch on my shiny coins. Taking advantage of the situation much? Marvin, it’s time you thwarted out to pasture. On a new adventure. Like, reading books to preschoolers. Those kids are about your speed. Or letting cows tip you over for fun while you sleep… I have a sneaking suspicion them bovine out yonder carry brighter bulbs than you.. And can probably hit the print function key. Boom. Mad cow takeover. Lights out. Marvin. 
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