Happy Ever After And A Pegacorn

Leopards. Spots. Ugh, the agonizing question…. So if a leopard CAN change his spots then there’s a unicorn in Tuscany with my name on it ready to fly me to a Sicilian-styled picnic. Yes, my unicorn flies, mom, let the debate go. The Pegasus vs. Unicorn debate. I Love you; But, my unicorn has wings… And he flies. He’s a Pegacorn. And he’s awesome.
I’ve been sitting on this internal battle for a couple days now and I  am still stuck on what to do. No, not the unicorn thing. I know my stance on that one. Refer back to The Pegacorn. Recently, a few ex-boyfriends have come back into my life. Why? Or, are trying, rather. While some ex-memories are good; some are… Bad, really bad. There are those ex-stories that are middle of the road learning lesson-types. Similarly, I burned myself on some yummy doughy bread rolls once. Don’t touch the oven, it’s hot. Dummy. They don’t really stand out for anything good or bad. Yikes. Bummer, if you’re put into that category. Unmemorable much?

 If he’s broken your heart more than once… It’s idiotic to even consider the notion that this person has your best interest at heart; when they, in fact, screwed you over. Twice, by the way. How many questions would you have for them? I have a ton. How many new rules would you now have to instigate to stop another potential ruin from falling? Oh yeah… The Spanish Inquisition wouldn’t even begin to describe what I’d have in store for them. If this was a girlfriend asking me these things, I’d say forget the sap and move on. Bye Bye. He had two shots and blew over the legal limit both times. No getting behind my wheel again. He shouldn’t get another chance. He needs to get a girl and keep HER happy ass by doing the right thing, the first time… with her. Susie Q will have no history class with you, can’t harbor any resentment… and she will believe everything you say. But, if its anything like the thousands of romantic comedies I’ve seen… she takes him back, they live together and they do learn lessons. Making history together. Live happily ever after, right?

Like in the films, when the guy comes to the door after weeks ( or months in my case) of them being apart and professes his love to her. He loves her, she gives him a hard time at the door. But, inevitably, he wins her heart back. Favorite scene of every romantic comedy. I always cry on that part. Wuss. Happy endings always get me. Shut it. Wait. He didn’t profess his love to me, did he?

Or in that cinematic feature, as she goes into labor at her moms wedding, they rush to the hospital -in the wedding Rolls Royce- and they pit stop at the farmers market so she can tell him she realizes that she, in fact, is madly in love with him. Ok, focus. Stop trying to figure out what movie that’s from; it’s “The BackUp Plan.” No, I am not pregnant. And that’s not the point. The point is they end up together a**holes. They do life together. They’re a family… a team. Like the song, by Lorde. 

I don’t want just texted apology letters and promises of “I’ve changed” and “I’ll do betters.” Show up! At my door with flowers you derelict! I wanted to say monkey; But, in this scenario, a show monkey might, indeed, be a more considerable option at this point… And he’d tip his hat for me. I love show monkeys. They give good hugs. Show me I’m worth more than a lazy ass text! Because unless and until I see you with a royal procession sitting on a noble pony on my front porch… Chances are, I’m not going to believe anything you have to say. No matter how much my heart wants to believe people are inherently good, when I’ve been struck by that nasty blade of love, I don’t suddenly get amnesia. Well, not anymore, at least. And unless you caught me on a good day where I’ve stuffed my face with cinnamon toast crunch cereal and I’m in a cinnamon sugar crunchy heaven… I will have actually put some thought into what you’re asking me to accept.

Luckily for me, I’ve got a lot on my plate right now and just don’t really have the time to waste on personal and emotional crap; But, hey, thanks for yet another song idea! And since I need a guy that’s going to go above and beyond for me, make me really notice you. Find me a Pegacorn. Or maybe it’s a good idea for you to figure out a Plan B. I might be too tough a nut to crack for you. You gotta have gumption. Be the stand alone guy. The guy who knows value when he sees it and be a fighter for it.
By the way… I like Tulips. 

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