I decided there should absolutely be ground rules for the sexters out there. I’ve just noticed that there are things that douche bags miss that I’ve learned along the way and feel the need to share with my fellow females. Which may make me look like I’m a sextaholic, I’m not. I’m boring. I don’t think I can say I’m boring either. But I do know that my phone pretty much rarely goes off. I’m more like Robin Hood. Saving all my girlfriends out there from the sucklings who just want our hot pics to add to their weird hobbies list. Although, on the rare occasion that I may, or may not, get a sexting session going… Not likely. I think there should be rules. Sorry, Mom.
RULE #1 DIETARY MUST. There are boundaries to this thing! If you choose to send the first photo at full monty, it doesn’t mean, we girls, will be sending you all our fancy feast right back. No. Girls like foreplay. Even in this situation. Yes, guys… it never ends with us. Remember… It still looks like a hot dog without a bun and girls don’t usually like hot dogs. We just eat them because we have to.
RULE #2 WANNA RIDE? If we say we don’t send pics. It generally means we don’t send pics. Unless, its with a guy we are dating. Not “brand new” dating. Not “just met” dating. But dating you, a long time. After a few months when we feel you’re a safe bet and probably sticking around a while. Ask us to send pics right out the gate and we will shut down all fun on our happy-land playgrounds. It doesn’t take one token for this ride fellas.
RULE #3 FILTERED SEXINESS. Yes, we use filters and creatively take shots from different angles to make our parts look bigger. Get over it. You like it. No, actually, you guys love it. And, as of late, you sneaky fuckers are guilty of it too. Stop complaining on social media that you hate it. Liars. We usually do it for ourselves anyway. Mind blown. We girls like looking pretty and hot. Mind exploded. And, we actually get pretty excited that we did such a great photo with our iPhones! Mind bomb. And, yeah, sometimes, it ends up on Instagram. Mind splattered. Oh, that didn’t make you feel special? Sorry, it was such a great selfie that it had to be posted. And you couldn’t really see nipple anyway. You thought you did. That was an M&M.
RULE #4 LET’S PLAY. How many freaking shots can you send of your junk? Is that all you got? Geesh. Gimme something to work with here. Dress it up. Put a hat on it. Draw googly eyes. I don’t care. Just stop sending the same stinking pic from beneath you. We aren’t dumb. It’s not that big. But we love you anyway for thinking you’ve pulled the wool over our eyes.
RULE #5 FRESH FRUIT. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT send me a pic of yourself that you have taken for someone else, sent to them AND had in your gallery since December of last year. Oh, you didn’t know that I knew? I must be psychic. No, I’m not. But, when you send me photos, they automatically save to my gallery and guess what… it will save it to my gallery into one of my folders from the date you took the lovely snapshot for your last girlfriend. Yeah, your photo has a birthdate… and I can see it. Thanks jerk. Busted. You’re not fooling anybody. Take new pics to send to your new girl, the same day you guys are sexting. Dumbass.