humor, Uncategorized

Geek Squad Butt Faxing

Let’s recap: My printer hates me. After my piece of crap, Kodak printer/scanner/fax, took a poo a few months ago (the company representative in the call center said that I’d need to buy a whole new “head”-I know, I laughed too). Mind out of the gutter. It was time to fix it. Or toss it off a cliff. Where all Kodak printers should go to die. Method of death? Cliff. I blame Best Buy for that terrible, overpriced purchase. Oh, you print a lot of photos? You definitely need a Kodak printer. Do I Best Buy salesman? Do I really? It wasn’t even big enough to sit on and photocopy my butt. Stupid printer/scanner/fax.


Fast forward to yesterday: So, now I’ve got this Canon Pixma i600. I haven’t a clue what the numbers mean except when I’m buying replacement ink cartridges; the ink I need doesn’t ever exist. Grrr. But -reluctantly-I’m supposed to love it. I can’t complain, it prints fast and I got it for free. Well, I had to lay on my back for it. And I’m thinking with the Canon Printer Sex; I got the raw end of that deal. And, in more ways than one. I gotta squawk. Squawk! Not too surprising since I tend to squawk often.  Squawk! Oh my goodness. Squawk! Stop it. I stray from the point.

The fucking thing is as loud as pots and pans. Not the boom-boom. The printer. It doesn’t print photos well. Or at all, really. And while I am adjusting to the lack of abilities this ancient relic has, something inside me misses that old, dump pile monstrosity of Kodak yore. That old thing functioned like a Kinko’s office store. Long wait times and constant complications included. And I could fax! Fax? Yes, fax. Who the hell faxes anymore? Nobody. Ok, fine. I never used the fax. In fact, I didn’t even use the scanner anymore either. I’ve acclamated to using my iphone for the picture uploading/emailing. In historic times, known as scanning. The only sole purpose that article served toward the end of it’s life was print. It’s ONLY beautiful functionality was it’s photo printing. And even at then end of that rope, it printed so piss-poorly that even setting it to “best” to print wouldn’t serve prudent. I guess I don’t miss that Kodak printer/scanner/fax creature much at all. And now I’m stuck with this Canon Sex Printer that prints black and white extremely well. But, that’s it. That’s all it does. Guess I could print coupons….

Woohoo! No expiration date! Lookout sexy dorks!
Woohoo! No expiration date!

DISCLAIMER: I actually love Best Buy. I’m convinced those Geek Squad guys are all hot models disguised as dorky Clark Kent’s and underneath I imagine they’re all ripped and oiled down Supermans. Sigh.  I used to get all my Apple product crap from them until I moved next to an Apple Store. Do you guys hear that? Angels are singing….