The Super Villain Outreach Program

After posting  my (mock) super villain photo last week (on Instagram). I got to thinking over the weekend. That, I too, could be a pretty decent super villain. Criminy. Yep! And here it goes…  The Suicide Squad that Warner Bros. has thrown together definitely needs me and I know what I’m talking about because I watched the sneak peek Suicide Squad trailer (recently shown at #comiccon2015). Here I am, always the do-good, call you out on your bullshit type, and all along I could’ve been wrecking havoc, trying to take over the city. This is happening. Ok, so now I need a cool villain name/persona/identity thing.

Hmmm… so, what should I do first?!  Throw a speeding train full of passengers off it’s tracks? No, it’s bene done. Save twinkies everywhere from extinction! Hello, they came out of extinction and Hostess is making them again. There was some scuttlebutt and now they’re back. Dammit. Zingers too? Yes, Zingers too. Let all the animals out of the zoo, releasing them from their captivity? Wait. That’s not so evil. Public mischief, maybe; but definitely not evil. And in reality, I’m kind of saving them from their untimely “caged” deaths from lethargy and glutton anyway. That’s from a Dreamworks movie. I’m really doing the animals a favor. Still from an animated film, which they escaped all on their own and ran all over New York City. Right. Good point. Plus, I’d be getting a rap sheet for being a public nuisance in the process. From a kid’s flick?  Sigh. Maybe I need to rethink this. I might not be a good super villain after all. It’s the thinking that’s the problem. Ooo! I know I can be Vixen! Shit. Still thinking. New angle!  I’m totally Vixen. No you’re not. The Suicide Squad character who joins the squad, only after she kills a druglord (accidentally) and needs to learn to control her powers. You have NO powers. Duh, special effects team, hellooo…. Oh, yeah, I’m totally her. Oh geez.  She’s definitely a character that has good intentions but is in a position where the public she was helping -with the government- thinks she’s evil.

She’s the accidental villain! I’m accidental in so many ways! Exhibit A: the thinking hullabaloo. I’d even cut my hair for it. Accidental Hair-Cutting Villain! Has a nice ring to it. Not really. The Vigilante Hair-Cut! *smacks forehead  All I know is that somewhere, out there in the universe, there is a need for my villainy. You’re not villain. Somehwere in this city, my CGI super powers are needed… to do… something. Nope. Like, pogo stick down the subway, helping poor defenseless rocks from — Stop it. Not needed.  On second thought, thinking is what got me into this malarky in the first place…