Walmart Weiner


It astonishes me how weird crap always happens to me – and I mean, ALWAYS. Just finds its way to my lovely handbag, chockful with a plethora of oddball experiences. I’m shopping for necessities at Walmart the other day and this guy to my right shoulder is doing something bizarre. I’m afraid to look; But, curiosity gets the best of me… And, I freaking look. Why do I insist on the one stop shopping Walmart has to offer? Embarrassingly, Rhetorical. And… what do I see? Oh, that’s right. He’s got his hands down his pants. Lovely. Now, I don’t think I’m so freaking hot that I illicit a masterbater to take idle hands to play; But, clearly, this tickler pickler thinks otherwise.

Add insult to my mind’s eye’s injury, he notices me looking at him -Hey! I looked at him… IN. DISGUST.- but since that doesn’t dissuade him, he forges ahead and whips that eggplant right out of his pants. I’m not a huge fan of eggplant anyway; But, this just sealed the fate on that for good. It’s like the kid in elementary school who only responds with bad behavior no matter how hard to try to tame that wild child… and likely ends up this Walmart weiner guy. Maybe he didn’t notice my look of disgust? Maybe he’s a fan? Maybe he’s just gross? I’ll take “gross” for the win, Pat! (Wheel of Fortune reference.)


This takes me back to an episode in high school. My sister and I were driving home from school and we look to the vehicle in the lane next to us. Mr. Wonderful looks at us and puts his fingers to his mouth in a “V” shape, and puts them up to his mouth. Proceeds to stick his tongue through said, makeshift twat, and basically, professes a disgusting action. Oh, but it does not end there. After he saw our shocked reactions, this driving degenerate decides that humping his steering wheel and looking at us was a more, fun action, he just had to engage in. Couldn’t make this up. I wish I could embellish but lucky for you guys and gals, this shit just walks into my path. So, I guess I must accept that someone has signed me up for a lifetime of creepiness, when I my back was turned. #creeplife Maybe the weiner flasher is the same guy who just showed me -the unwilling party- his peepee. What would be the odds that it was the same guy? Lightening can strike twice.

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