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Relationship Pogo Escape

Getting what I want is… How do I put this? Wonderful. Dreams turned to reality. Or, wait, a scary fucking thing? The relationship conundrum stinks. Anyone else smell that? Time for my pogo escape plan…. I want the great guy. Nope. Schmuck. I find the great guy. Oooo pretty. I get the great guy. Pssttt… he has muscles. He meets all the expectations; well… the muscles aren’t the only thing, I’m not that shallow. He is pretty though… But, meeting 75% of my check list gives me pretty good odds, I say. Bet on that horse! And yet… I can still find something wrong. Or imagine it. Either way, make-believers… it’s there. My sister will be the first to tell me that I can find any illogical reason to dump a guy without batting an eyelash, and yet, be that silly broad that hangs on to the bad guy AND make neverending excuses for him. Sissy, he’s a great guy; he just likes to build Q-tip forts. Wait. What… Excuse me? One would think this news would piss me off; But, it doesn’t. Because I sit. And I sit. And I think about it…. Dammit. Looking back, I couldn’t pick a good guy if my life depended on it. Good guy. Dump him. Great guy. Dump him fast. Bad guy. Ohhhh… keep him! He only bangs his baby mama behind my back; so I’m going to trust that one. Oh geez. How I can be so brilliant; Yet, so deficient sometimes, still astonishes me… And, with the few good ones that have crossed my path, I ran at the first sign of ANYTHING. He likes monkeys? I’m out. Which, was probably nothing. He’s obsessed with down pillows? I can’t take that shit. Deuces, feathery dust ruffle lover. So he wasn’t an avid cleaner of his ears… sure, it could’ve been worse. Oh. No. Not, plush monkeys? Stop it. Ok, learning lesson. I’ll sit on this pogo stick for a second. Plus, I can use it for my getaway. Boink. Boink. Boink. 

So, running at the first sign of a great relationship, got me to thinking. What the hell is wrong with me? Rhetorical, fuckers. I love, love. I am always fairly happy; for no damn reason at all… Seriously, I get excited about pink marshmallows. And glitter! I’m -sickeningly- positive about every other aspect of my life. I keep the light and abolish the toxic. So, why am I clutching onto my getaway pogo stick so tightly? Um, I think you’re denting the metal Rita…  RUN! I mean, HOP! BOUNCE! LEAP AWAY!! Or, however you prefer to make an exit.

Or… Maybe? And, I may be pushing the proverbial envelope here. But, just maybe? Hang onto this one. PUT. DOWN. THE. POGO STICK. Hear me out. He’s caring. He’s loyal. He’s probably the best thing that has happened to me in quite some time. Consider, not just a dip of thy toe into the water… But, rather, dive right into this pool and take a chance. You can swim dammit! Gotta say… I have never met anyone who actually gets ALL of me. My quirkiness. My belligerence. My awesomeness. Had to throw that one in there… because, uh, well, do I need to divulge? Didn’t think so… You all know I’m pretty fantastic. I don’t need to pound it into anyone’s heads; that would be redundant. As for my getaway prancing shaft? It quietly sits in a nearby corner…ready to spring onto the 405 freeway… 

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