Ocean Squat Brandy

Picture it. Late evening. Grandiose skies filled with glistening stars with which to gaze upon. Blanket lay across the sand with a basket of great cheeses and tasty meat trinkets to enjoy while guzzling your favorite merlot. Staring across from me is a gorgeous blonde hottie  who’s saying all the right things. Everything’s right. It’s a little too perfect actually. The ticky boom boom looking to be on its proper place. I better stop trying to find his crazy. He’s going to think there’s something wrong with me… Uh, hey girl, why are you staring at me like you want to devour me whole? Huh? Oh me? Uh, I was just… Hey look over there! It’s a monkey on the beach… We are laughing and comparing our individual versions of celebrity impersonations. Mine are terrible. Hanky, the christmas poo is about all I got. South Park, people. Keep up. And then it hits me….Shit. I have to freakin pee. Where the hell…. 

Never one to be shy, I run to the edge, where the water meets the sand, pop a squat and just go for it. I swear to God, if a crab creeps up and bites my ass… Well, where else was I supposed to pee? There was no one else on the beach with us, it was dark. An ocean squat seemed the perfect solution. I run back to our blanket and he says, here take a swig of brandy…. Why didn’t you give me a shot of this before I went down to pee? I could’ve fought off a manatee. My liquid courage in tow. Stop it. You were worried about a crawly crab coming in for the kill. Yeah. Your right. But I could still take the manatee, I don’t care what you say… 

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