Sweaty Drip

I swear, more on one side than the other. Some times it’s the left, and other times …it’s on my other left. Anybody else have this problem? Not likely. Is it just me? Most likely. If it is, I’ll take that. I’m an oddball. I know that. So today, I’m meeting with a writing partner, and for some crazy reason I’m just sitting and waiting for him to arrive and I feel a trickle of perspiration run down my left arm. Uh. Ok. So I dab with a towel and resume multi-tasking, flip flopping between football games, and listening to music while I wait. Mind you, it’s also chilly outside. Which aids, in absolutely, no logical reason for my perspiration. And then… I feel another droplet bead down my left arm. Ugh. Come on. Really? I showered. Today. Put on self tanner. So what, it’s streaky. Cut me a break. I’m feeling cute and adorable. Stop it. Sweaty. Arm. Pants. Pants? I don’t know. And while it’s quite annoying, I can’t help but notice, it’s doing it twice as much on my left armpit than my right armpit. Sigh. Of course it is. I’m now Sid… from the movie, Ice Age. Moist. Wet. Furry. Wait, what? 

At this junket, I have placed two huge clumps of paper towels under both my arm pit pants because I’m starting to sweat through my clothes now. I’m not nervous. It’s not hot out. Completely, illogical sweat moisture. I’m italian? I’m spicy? I could spin this into a positive chili pepper moment? Nope. Sweaty pit ownership. By the time my meeting starts, the huge globs of paper have withered into baby sized spitballs from all the dampness and it’s coming out in fragments. Post-tree, chopped from wood… Paper towel shrapnel. 

And yes… I have applied deodorant. A***holes. Did you really think I didn’t try that? Don’t answer that. Ugh. Maybe I should try to Botox my under arms…. I heard that is a sure fire way to impede the sweaty raindrops from my body. Although with my luck, my pits would be paralyzed… And I’d still drip like a perspiration percolator.

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