I have been searching for my earbuds for two days. Maybe three… I didn’t know where they went. Maybe they flew off to Tahiti? Everyone needs to vacation. I don’t know. I had no clue if they grew legs and walked away. Like a polka dotted spider from the poconos. Hey, Anything’s possible. It is a new mellinium. Thought maybe my kid swiped them from me. Or a warthog. Warthogs are a huge problem in LA, I can see them chomping up my earbuds now. As I run in slow motion, yelling noooooooooo…… Not. The. Ear. Buds. Just kidding. The only warthogs in LA, have two legs and pretend to be big time directors so they can get booty. Say no to the casting couch ladies….
Back to me. I had to use speaker phone. Can you believe that? I hate speaker phone. It’s like I went back in time or something. Always sounds gurgled. It’s either too loud or too quiet. And you can’t hear a muffled voice in either situation. Welc-me to McDon-d’s, doe t-at co-ete your order.? Ugh. Exactly. No one understands that shit. Did she get my fries? Guess it’s a surprise gift bag now. Stupid speaker phone.
So I dug into my closet and grabbed a backup pair. Somehow I’ve accumulated three backup pairs. Maybe I lose my earbuds often? Nah. Maybe I lose my earbuds often and buy new ones and then find the old ones in a pocket and it gets thrown to the backup pair pile? In a box. In the closet. Maybe I left them in the car. That’s possible. I was on the phone with my mommy at the time. Now that I think about it, she ditched me for a TV show. Tisk Tisk Mother. They’ve gotta turn up somewhere… inside that warthog. Chomp. Oink. Chomp. Oink. Chomp.
Another day goes by and I needed to run some errands. Well low and behold… On the ground, what do I see?? Gum? No, ass. Next to my driver’s side door… Gum. …Seriously? No. My damn ear buds! And yes.. Gum. They’re on the ground like they fell out of that magic pocket I don’t have and… Stuck. In. Gum. Sigh.