I like dogs as much as the next person but just because you want one doesn’t mean you should get one. Time and place. Time and place. If your little fireball is constantly barking and annoying your neighbors, you may want to consider taking their little voice boxes out. I don’t know what happened… He was barking yesterday. Strange. Or getting a hamster. Listen, there’s nothing sweeter than the sound of dogs barking at other dogs, echoing off the garden walls and into my living room.
There’s a guy who lives in my building. He’s got a dog. A little dog. Still can’t figure out why large men get little pups. I think it’s a WEINER dog. I think found the smallest dog he could find. Weird WEINER. And he’s a sullen kind of man, which is sad-in theory-well, wait. Now that I think about it, he’s kind of an angry fella. Anyway, what I’m about to tell you is probably completely the result from this type of personality. Every time I see him outside with his little bastard fido in the courtyard, it barks and growls at me. Now, I’m no Caesar, the dog whisperer, but I am an animal magnet. It’s like pets know I’m allergic and so they gravitate to me. Like a four-legged magnet. Except this lil fucker. And when I walk by all his owner says is, watch out… he’ll bite you. Wait. What?! Put a fucking faux piss yard on your balcony if you’ve got a kujo on your hands. And for the record… if you let that tiny terror interact with others’ dogs, people or the occasional plant, it can be fan friendly and might actually enjoy the attention. What little peanut doesn’t like being squished and cuddled?! That’s right, every dog loves it. Stop depriving your pup the love. And you… That’s right, you with Sir Barks A Lot at the end of your leash, take a dog owner training class and shut him up. Nobody wants to hear that crap at 7am. This has been a public service announcement from the fuzzy wuzzy observer.