Orange Flier Movie

Pre-Screenings are a way of life here in the city of angels. They kinda make movies here. Pretty normal for production studios to test out their movies on the public – Or, what I like to call the fake public- before it goes to a full fledge release. And, while I’ve only been to one pre-screening last year, that was an invite only, it was a fun experience. But, maybe it was because I was in good company. Sorry… no name dropping. So, what happens on the regular pre screenings is, you’ll see people standing around with these half sheets of paper that you can just grab. Usually, they’re standing outside the theatre ready to attack you with their speech. Or they’re out on Hollywood Blvd, just pushing the pages in your face. I happened to be leaving a theatre. And I had a Buddy The Elf moment and was like ooooh, I want one! They hand them out asking if you want to see a free movie. Yeah, sure. Ok, so now you need register online to reserve your spot. So you do. Check the box for no future spam. Ok, don’t need any prescriptions pushed in my inbox. Offering to heal one thing while next thing you know, your anal rectum is bleeding. Then when you get there. Which, mind you, I’m too busy working on my own shit and clawing my own way through this business than to go to any of these things. But, I had some available time, I took a friend. Poor thing. We had drinks first and honestly, I thought it would be a cool thing to do. Something different… Cue horror music.  

It was a freaking nightmare. We get there and there’s tons of people in a long ass line. Drones. So we get into it like the lady with the clipboard instructs us to do and some pompous little woman who looks like she’s partied a little too hard in her life turns around and says the end of the line is way back there. And you don’t have this little white business card and you have to get one to get in line here,… Blah, blah blah. Um, no. The clipboard weeny told us to go here. And I’m already reserved online and she said my orange tickets are fine. And third, mind your business, nosey. What do you care if we have the wrong tickets or where we are in line? So, just to make sure this nosey heffa was wrong I went back and talked to another clipboard hall monitor. And she said, no, your fine as long as you reserved online. Ok, thanks, I thought so. So I went back to our spot in line and haggard looking lady turns around and I said, we are fine. And we are in the right place. So, she runs her suck off some more, apparently thinking we wouldn’t talk back. We have been here since 5:00… If you know me, a deaf/mute, I am not. Why would you come so early? Don’t you have a life? Oh wait, no. This is the highlight of your year… Being used by a studio to give feedback on a film before its release so you can, maybe, get… Discovered? Or, most likely, a black eye? Hmmm… I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works; but, okie dokie. Bob and weave, bitch. Bob. And. Weave. And, by the way, they aren’t paying you for your time either so as far as I’m concerned, there should be no headaches involved here. Here, have a shot, relax a bit. So far I have scouted at least three. Three headaches. I don’t know what this wench’s problem was but I can definitely tell you, I don’t have a filter here, so I wasn’t going to have one there either. Shocker. And I looked pretty hot that night too. I was feelin myself and she was trying to shit on it. Some hippos are just mad they can’t walk the tight rope I guess. Apparently she just was so annoyed that the people behind us were so friendly with us and we were all laughing and having a good time while we waited. Next thing we see… she scurried off hastily to the clipboard queen that I had last spoken to… Who returns on the heels of Ms. Pain in the Ass with a new rule. She says you guys need to move to the back of the line now. Your orange tickets require it. We said, what?! I just talked to you and you said to go here and we registered online and we are good to go. But crabby patty goes to you and talks shit about us and now it’s a different story? Wow. Bi-polar, making up new rules as we go, clipboard lady. So, she won’t admit that hostile lady in front of us just had such a disdain for our company that we voluntarily leave the line and think about it for a second. This experience hasn’t been fun. AT ALL. People have been rude. Disrespectful. Nosey. Annoying. There’s a lot of disorder. And now the staff -whom, by the way, doesn’t know dick about what’s going on, on their left hand when they look at their right hand- hassles us? You know, the community colleges offer people classes for neanderthals. We decide abruptly that this is too much of a headache for a freebie movie and went shopping. I wonder how much the studio knows how poorly we were treated and how much chaos was going on. I doubt they care. But either way, I urge no one to endure this. The nightmare, far outweighed the good time it could have been. Why is that lady screaming and running around the movie theatre naked? Oh, they tried to give her an orange flier too… 

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