Flexed Booty

Athletic guys. Guys who eat well. Guys who exercise regularly. Keep their man-hairs in some kind of order Guys with buff bods are just plain sexy!

But there’s a line in the sand that needs to be drawn. By me. I’ll do the dirty work. Geesh. My family and I were online yesterday-incessantly-seeking out guys to just, I don’t know… Take a little PEEK. Check out. Gawk. And a lot of times, laughed …Just perusing the plethora of male menus of instagrammers and face bookers alike. Hey I’m allowed to to look; just no touchie touchie! Besides, we were bored. Finding great -sometimes not so great- looking guys that we would give back stories on. Like this guy for example…

Why are you roiding dude? It shrinks your man parts. It makes you bald and I watched a documentary once that showed a pro-body builder who had done steroids his whole life and somehow his arm got so freaking huge it literally popped -POOF!- like a balloon. And nobody likes deflated balloons. And if you look close enough it’s almost as if there’s an embryo growing on the inside of his arm trying to escape. I don’t know about you but if anything on my body could pop like an embryo balloon I’d be a bit hesitant to use it. Oh baby, your deflated and flubby arm is so beautiful compared to the rest of your overblown muscle-head tone; said no woman EVER. I can pretty much bet all my chips on that fact. That being said, guys who juice up with steroids are yucky. It’s like your telling the world how insecure you are by using your overly flexed sphincter as a billboard. Like a plate of broccoli swimming in fake cheese from a can disgusting. 

Or the weird runner guy. How thin do you think you need to be to prevent “drag?” Eat a steak for fucks sake! No chick wants a guy she can call a spinner. She wants a manly man to throw her around!!

I’ve dated all types. Not in a whorey type of way; But, more like a wine tasting kind of way and I tend to always fall back into the guy who’s -IMO- just right. He’s not so buff that he can’t wipe his ass. He’s not so anorexic he needs an IV tube to eat. He’s in the middle. He’s cuddly; but at least tries to eat right -more so because I’m a health nut and force feed the poor guy. He’s thick or solid; not fat. He tries to work out -let’s face it, I’m probably dragging him to the gym by his ankles. But he’s the type that will love me for it anyway. And besides, he gets his revenge in our bedroom playground time. 
He can have some… Hair. Sigh. I have such a love/hate affair with this monstrosity of an issue. Listen; I’m a girl. I wax everything. I like it clean. One hairless cat, coming up! And while I don’t expect guys to de-fuzz themselves like a street sign pole on a corner… Can we at least be willing to trim the shit? Please? 

After having a little fun at your guys’ social media expense… I’ve come to the conclusion that man-selfies are still weird. Just be you. Even if your a steroid taking, hairy baboon. She will love you more for that. 

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