Desperate times call for desperate measures. As for my brain? Spaghetti. She just gave me her two week notice,”hey bitch, I quit.” Night night time. Forget it. We all already know about my insomnia. Blast you, sandman. Waking up. Shutting down. Can’t do math. Never good at that anyway. I forget to shower. I prefer baths. With bubbles. And champagne. Multiple problems needing solving all at the same time. I like to juggle knives. Making time for the boyfriend who’s being a great boyfriend and my cuddling-needing boyfriend that I can’t even be boyfriend-cuddling right now. I wanna squish him. Waaa! Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight… Ohhh yeah. SexyIliciousness. Bah. Focus, Rita.
I’ve gone delirious. And I have the Minecraft head to prove it. Told you, I lost my mind. Stress will do that to a person. Ask my man-handsome. Basically ignored him. Yelled at him. And forgot he’s on Team Rita.. I know. I was an asshole. Pay attention. I’m driving along and I keep making wrong turns and driving in circles. What should have been a twenty minute trip to CVS turned into a forty-five minutes scenic excursion of confusion. Oh! A Coffee Bean. That’ll help. It doesn’t. Now I’m spacey AND jittery. Space Cadet Sally reporting for duty! And still missing kisses that are being blown in the wind from my amazing man-handsome love nugget. Trying to catch them. Still flying up over my head. Sigh. And I’m still turning on the wrong streets. Did I really just blow this audition because I memorized the wrong script? Oh geez. Life intervention, where are you? In my defense, I have three scripts -two with 30 pages of dialogue- to memorize… I deserve to be cut some slacks… Slacks? Who needs pants anyway. Over-rated.
Finally, we are getting settled into, yet, another new place. I gotta say, Los Angeles, you really know how to test a persons will to survive. Sometimes I think turning my car into a permanent residential address really might be the way to go. Give me an AC adapter for my keurig and I’m all set. A house on wheels wouldn’t be so bad, would it? I can imagine my heater is a fireplace that I can drink tea and read a book nearby. All cozy in my driver seat with my Breakfast At Tiffany’s flannel blanket wrapped around me. Tucked in tightly, keeping my feet warm. I love the sound of the rain, pitter-patter against the windshield’s window pane. Me and my boo can get snuggly in the back seats while we watch a movie on my iPad and eat freshly popped popcorn. Hot out of the Easy Bake oven; in my trunk.
Moral of the story? When life gives you lemons, make an awesome Lemon Tart on Hollywood and Vine. Don’t let life stress you out kids. Even a street walker will help you change a flat tire while she’s waiting on another work opportunity to arrive. No matter how hard or how difficult. Bear Grills has nothin on me. There is a purpose for you. When shit gets f***ed up there are new opportunities arriving to try something else. And those are huge blessings. Who knew I could use my coffee carafe to boil ramen noodles?