Tornado Tutti Fruitti

Everybody has this friend in their Rolodex that comes in and brings a whirlwind of, uh… adventure -yeaaaaahh, adventure… that’s what we’ll call it. More like chaotic tornado of pandemonium. Kind of like, vomiting as you pass through the highest point of the loop of a roller coaster. And while you’re the purveyor of said up-chuck, the juicy aftermath happens around you. And on you. Or as you cruise through on the coaster. You’re welcome riders. Enjoy the refreshing blast. I honestly don’t think the Rolodex exist anymore but I just love the way it sounds. I want one. I imagine myself flipping through it, pretending I’m a 1980s stock broker. Punching those numbers right off the pages into my rotary phone knowing my next call will be the break of a lifetime. And I, too, can have a harem of men surrounding me and I can order them around at my whim. Can a harem be filled with grown men-children? Time to investigate. Some ideas are just ridiculously good ideas.

I just watched “Wolf Of Wall Street.” I’m still reeling over that movie. What a rush I had leaving that movie theater. Brilliantly done. Right, well, while I dock my imaginary multi-million dollar dream yacht, let’s not forget, I played with boxes when I was a little kid, I can entertain myself with cardboard. I know… I’m special. Cardboard box special.

This high strung sister-lioness’ energy is most of the time fun and exuberant. She cheers you up when you need it. She’s the one that will come over with a bucket of sherbet and a the dye kit after you dump your boyfriend’s skeezy ass. You know the type. The dude that screws you over not once, but twice, then wants you back. Swears he will change. You believe him. He doesn’t. And he plays make believe to the world like he was the innocent victim. Yeah, that skeezy douche. She acts up and we jump around the house like parkour misfits. Sometimes, lamps get broken, sure… or they get a Bohemian makeover. Either way, she tells it like it is without hesitation. And my life is always, instantaneously better, all because she is in my life. Tye dye family time!

 But, she also comes with a lot of… disorderly conduct. Let’s just say one time she brought a dog that peed on the floor… and refused to clean up after it. Another time, she convinces you to drink a shot called the cement mixer. Don’t. Ever. Do. It. Or, She’ll tell you, you are going to go grab dinner… and you end up in Mexico sitting on a donkey with a snow cone. I still have that sombrero.

At least you can smile at all the pillows, sheets and tablecloths that now have a flower child theme keeping consistency in your decor. And your new pet donkey named Tutti Fruitti perks up any sad moment. The story of how you acquired him is priceless. But… you don’t look like a pot smoking hippie at all. But, you do. Peace, man.

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