The Business of the Self-Starter Insanity

I’ve kind of done it, haven’t I? I mean, I took the leap and took a huge risk. I uprooted and relocated to Hollyweird and with great effort am tirelessly working towards my goals. I’m falling on my face on a daily basis; But, the reality is, I’m still getting up everyday and haven’t given up. What the hell is wrong with me? No really, there’s gotta be some kind of malfunction in my brain to continually torture myself everyday! Auditions, acting classes/workshops, the never-ending pursuance to finish my album, the magazines and music videos that just don’t want to pay us girls for our time -chewing us up and spitting us out. The douche bag dating system that IS Los Angeles – I’ve gotta be able to find someone who’s had a decent upbringing eventually, right? And the blogging of what is literally mi vida loca! Seriously, what kind of nut job would keep doing this to themselves? Me.

Yup, me. I grew up with a dad that was constantly doing the same with and my mother who supported all his whimsical, entrepreneurial endeavors, that just never seemed to work out with happy endings. It was probably predestined for me to push myself to live my life similarly. Except, I believe my happy ending is in the fact that I rather enjoy this insanely, stressful journey.  My dad had a janitorial company -which he had us kids helping , a roller rink -we helped there too, a gymnastics gym – I had the title of successful gymnast on my shoulders and rarely, did my dad work for anyone else. He wasn’t much of a people person though anyway. t can remember one time that he worked for a company as a sales representative. That didn’t last long. As ambitious as he was, working for other people just never seemed to be his gig. At one point, he was raking in past the million dollar mark but I also remember him losing it all. My theory is you can’t fault a man -or woman- for being a risk taker. I’ve had interesting jobs to keep me afloat but taking the biggest risk of all and falling on my face has actually made me stronger. I know I can get it all back! I may never be normal, but I can live with that. Normal can be pretty darn boring anyway.

Listen, Hollyhood, you haven’t defeated me. I was built for this. Everything I have done has served and is serving a purpose. I haven’t a damn clue what it is yet. But, none the less it’s propelling me somewhere. Let’s just hope somewhere is where I have been planning to land! Crash landing? The long and short of it is, that we can never predict what is going to happen. So, go for it. Who cares if people are going to judge you. They will. Or if they will talk shit about you. They will. Get off your ass and make something happen today. I’ve fallen on my face already today and I’ve only been awake for 12 minutes. No, seriously, I fell off the bed reaching for my coffee. Shrugs.

It’s too freaking early for this optimism.

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