Mario Kart Cramps

Suddenly, I have found myself in front of gaming systems. Really….

Game boxes?

Video cartridge thingies?

Right. So, I’ve never really been a gamer. As a kid, I was only able to play the original Nintendo because I hid out at my neighbors house before the search party came looking for me at dinner time. i.e. my father.

Once I beat King Koopa, and saved the kingdom from his evil horny toad reign, I was over it. I saved the princess and she was super glittery grateful and bestowed upon me….  was nothing.

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After that climactic vibe of disappointment, I hadn’t returned to video games since.

Until now.

Last week, my friends, during a boring day pre-spring, sat me down, threw a headset on me and told me to shoot. I was taking the place of an m.i.a. operative in the game, “The Division.” So, said operative was probably out for some hot cocoa or something and naturally, since they needed another person to complete the mission… I was the obvious option.

And by obvious option, I basically mean I was available and not doing anything constructive.

Dammit.

It was fairly entertaining. I began shooting “bad guys” on purpose and I wasn’t getting nauseous from the artificial television movement but I did begin to cramp up.

My hands. Completely cramped up.

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Apparently, this is a thing. Like an athlete? Um…

Well… yes. I guess? Although, I just don’t consider gamers athletes. After a while I feel like one of the people from the movie Wall-E who never move and haven’t walked in so long, they forgot how.

Hey, to each his own but it’s clear for me that I’ll just never really be into gaming. My hands cramping, my butt fell asleep and I forgot to eat for way too long that I lost weight. And the reality is that I can accomplish all that just by productively editing videos, and writing music/books. I forget to eat all the time when I’m in that zone of wake.

Funny thing is, I don’t remember getting cramps in my hands when I played Mario Kart.

Mario Kart Kramps.

It’s a real thing.

And it’s just my luck.