Dear Diary…

A friend of mine slipped and fell a couple days ago. I laughed. But before you boo me, she laughed and she’s fine. Except for the fact that she’s a tad bruised up (not really) and whining incessantly. Definitely doing that though.

She and I, while having lunch, began talking about said incident where she said well, what should I do every time I complain?  Open up my journal and detail it?

Ummm…. YES.

Absolutely. Please do not hesitate.

So began, three days now of every time she logging a complaint, in my general direction… about literally ANYTHING, I add commentary. Of course you do. 

Hell yes, I do.

Clearly, she still isn’t chatting into her book of woes; but, instead giving my ears a good

dose of junk food. Or a daily ear-raping. Oh geez. Naturally, I saw an opportunity to make fun of her. You know it. Every time she complains. EVERY. TIME. I start my next sentence with “dear diary….” and fill in the rest of it with a snarky, misconstrued version of what she just said. I bet. 

Not only has this approach stopped her complaining but I think I’m opting in to doing this to everyone I know. They don’t have to slip and fall, it can be as small as something like….

FRIEND: The commercials on television are so annoying.

ME: Dear diary, she gets tv for free and still thinks she can debate over the Reba/KFC commercial debacle.

FRIEND#109: There’s too many people at the gym.

ME: Dear diary, she has the luxury of a gym membership and still manages to disappear to the water massage chair in lieu of utilizing the squat bar.

FRIEND#3055: All men are the same.

ME: Dear diary,  she needs retail therapy to tell me about her bad date from the night before and she has kissed a lot of frogs with nary a prince in sight.

You get the idea.

No more pound town on the complain-a-go-round impeding my good time! Pound town?

You know what I mean. Focus. Point is, if you are moving forward and doing the right things in life you will realize complaining holds you back. Like a slingshot? Yes, kind of like a slingshot. Hush. Playing the victim is a stall tactic for the weak. Boohoo. Plus, it annoys others. OMG, SO annoying. Nooo thank you. Pass. Making jokes and having fun? Laughing at yourself? Finding that funny bone you got buried deep down in there? Now that’s how I roll. Hitch up my unicorn sisters, lets go out for ice cream! You don’t like ice cream… Oh yeah, I forgot. Well, then… Starbucks? Yeah, you do like your coffee.

No kidding. That’s a fact. Okay, it’s settled then. 

DO OVER: Hitch up my pegasus, sisters, let’s head out for a latte grande!

Dear Diary, today I complained about complainers, found a fun solution, and would you believe it?  I’m still having a fantastic hair day!

 

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