Backpack PSA

Is it just me, or is it just, plain odd to see grown ass men walking around with Jansport backpacks like they’re teenagers going from class to class? Stop it. You’re killing me. You’re not a child anymore. There are only three reasons that explain why a big boy is using a backpack in the first place. 1. He’s a homeless drug addict. 2. He hasn’t updated his gear since he was 12. Or, 3. He’s a runaway. And assuming, none of the aforementioned, are actual defenses: THROW AWAY THE STINKING BACKPACKS!

Criminy. Thank you. I’m proud of you… I know that was tough. But, change is a good thing. I know, it is uncomfortable.. But, trust me you will thank me. I’ve jotted down some bulltpoints to get you, or your dude, on the right track to a look that will be current and practical.

  • A backpack disguised as a briefcase, or in the form of an over-the-shoulder bag. This gives the appearance of professionalism, without sacrificing pocket space.
  • A backpack for traveling, you say? Only in the shape -and style- of a duffle bag. This allows a roomy inside with an exterior that doesnt scream, “Hey! I’m really a hobo!”
  • And last; But, not least, The camping backpack. This is, by all intents and purposes, the ONLY plausible option for an actual backpack…. with the visual being an actual, oversized backpack. You’re in the woods, you need to pack first aid kits and hot dogs; Therefore, you necessitate the useful need of said, structured bag.

Now that you’ve been properly introduced to the backpack’s benign use as an adult, you are now free to go shopping for anything that doesn’t make you look like a homeless drug addict. Or become “twinsies” with my 6 year old neighbor. You’re welcome.  I told you, you were going to thank me…

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