Time for Spring cleaning! Ok, well, it’s mid-summer. And I’m doing the annual clean-out. For reference, “Annual,” is going to be loosely defined. Let’s do it! It’s a trash-a-thon! My clothes. Wah. My shoes. Sniff. Sniff. Odds and ends. If it’s broken, I should probably toss it. But, I didn’t. I held onto it. Thinking… Oh! I’ll mend this knick-knack. Because I’m a nutcracker carpenter and now I mend things.
Example. I’ve been hanging into to the cutest dress. I adore it. Actually, I used it in out photo shoot for the album. I know. Hang tight. We will release it soon. You’re dying without it. I get it. I love this dress so much and after only wearing it for one dinner date and the aforementioned shoot… The freaking zipper broke. Send it to the cleaners Rita. I know. This should be simple. But you forget who you’re talking to… Yeah, me. I’m the type to forget to eat. So, I set it by the door. Don’t forget to grab it. I forgot. I put it in my car. Weeks later. And I found it. Months later. Oh shoot. Better put it on the front seat so I don’t forget again. Keep it in my sight. It’s hot out. My handbag needs to be securely fastened in my front passenger seat. Dress gets tossed to the backseat. Days later, friends ride in bak seat. Dress gets shoved in the trunk. Another couple weeks later, I clean out the car. Guess what I find?! Rhetorical. Yes. The dress. I put it in my closet because -clearly- I am not going to remember to take this damn dress to get fixed. Maybe I need a maid. You know, to run my errands for me. I look like the type of girl to have hired help. And NO, in case you were wondering, I do NOT sew. Do I look like Betsy Ross to you?
Let’s find another example, shall we? Electrical cords. I’ve got -what looks like- hundreds of cords lying around in random places. They’re never used. I’ve never reached for them. And after I glance at them once in a while -more like a blue moon- and reminds self that, I MAY need these. I don’t. Then I shove them right back where I found them. I’m sure I will use them. Nope. Only when a spotted pig flies. They’re basically taking up space with their uselessness. But I’ve hung onto them. Why.. You ask? Fuck if I know. There’s a grocery bag full of them here. And these are the grocery bags that have been banned in Los Angeles. I have piece of history in my closet. What if plastic groceries bags go extinct? I want to show my grand kids one day that these relics DID indeed exist. Look kids! A flying, spotted pig! There they are… Bunches, of them. Packed there. There’s even a few -ok, more like a dozen- zip tied, neatly organized in my file drawers. What am I afraid of? That if I throw out said collections of cords that I will have to buy new cords? Odds are, I already have. Which explains the ungodly amount of them I’m having to tear through. If I can toss a jerky guy away like old newspaper… Why do I have such trouble with these silly things suffocating my life?! And taking over my castle?!
I believe I’ve made my case… What I really wish for is the car cleaning fairy. Yeah, she and her pixie dust need to show up right about now.