Stuffed Trout

Why is carry-on baggage so small? You really can’t fit much into them. No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to pack my suitcase light. I am the type that really earnestly believes they pack light and don’t need much to survive on; Yet, somehow, my little handkerchief is always overflowing on my little hobo stick. Sounds more like a  metaphor for my life. Alas, I’m no Bear Grylls. So, maybe I’m not stuffing a wild trout in my satchel anytime soon but nonetheless, it seems a bit overzealous to assume any female could possible fit everything belonging into her traveling tackle box.

I start with a pair of running shoes. Gotta stay fit. Check. Workout clothes. Gotta look cute while staying fit. Check. Sports bras. Gotta keep “the girls” in place while staying fit. Check. Add a pair of evening heels. Check. Just in case… I go out somewhere. On a hot date. Ok, probably less likely a date is happening; But, for the sake of the argument, can we at least pretend I’m on a hot date every evening? No? Thanks y’all. I’m glad my confidence isn’t weighed by public opinion. Add a dress for said shoes, I’m least likely to wear. And most likely to wear reading in the bathtub since I’ll be home comfortably in my hotel. Check. Add a pair of heels that will work with my everyday outfits. I figure, at least three outfits that I can rotate should do me. I add my blousy top with jean shorts. A sundress. And leggings with a cute mid-drift top. Wait. That last one needs a different pair of shoes. Not the everyday ones that match. But the espadrilles with the leopard print at the front of the toe. They show my personality. Throw in my rhyme books, pens, my thesaurus… and some junk novels. Can’t forget the toiletries. Gotta keep myself smelling yummy… for aforementioned bathtub date. Go ahead, yuck it up. One of these days I will have a date and y’all going to shit yourselves. Oh! Snacks. Gotta have snacks. Juice-filled gummy bears. mmmmm….

Ok, three pairs of shoes, four outfits, food, shampoo, work-related crap… what else… oh yes, hair rollers. Or do I take my crimping iron. I’ll take both. They don’t take up that much room. They say they’re travel sized on the packaging I bought them in. Plus, what if I want to just go low maintenance. The crimping iron is the best way to go about that. A quick touch up here and there every day and I’ll be out the door in two seconds flat. But, I will still need my rollers in case I… right. Bathtub novel reading doesn’t count… yeah, yeah. Sigh. Toothpaste. Whitening strips. What if I put in my full size toothpaste? I know it’s more than a three-ounce tube but I can slip that one past security. I mean, who’s going to take away my dental responsibility to my beautiful teeth? No airplane troubles ever came from having pearly whites, did they? Everyone will understand my need to keep up on my oral hygiene. Let me add my red evening shorts onsie. Just in case. You never know. It’s a hot little number and I may need it. Shut up.

Ugh… my suitcase won’t shut. Where am I going to put my 5-lb bag of Swedish Fish. I NEED those for the plane. Where is Bear Grylls when you need him? I know he could pack my rolling case with just my essentials. And clearly, all I have stuffed this trout with, IS… essentials. Oh, I spy with my little eye a pair of ballet flats I am definitely going to need. What? Hush. They’re black, with sequins on the toe. I need them. And, I’m pretty sure I can stuff them into one of the outside pockets. Maybe just need to grease the squeaky wheel a little bit to make it fit… But, I can make it fit. After sitting on my suitcase, using a crowbar and enlisting the help of my son… it is finally ready to travel. Oh poo… where am I going to put my jewelry? I need jewelry. Just in case.

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