Take a number

Disclaimer: I promise, no more making fun of you gentlemen. You really take a beating in my posts. Yikes. I love all you men out there. Uh, some of you are strange, but I still love ya and your good sports. You guys are fascinating to watch… especially when you inappropriately scratch your nether-regions. Yes, we see you. We always see you. Oh look, you scratched again. Saw it. How many times, really, is it necessary to itch down there anyway? Why does it itch? Psoriasis? Does it tickle? Something’s going on down there. I’d investigate if I wasn’t so afraid of what rawness I could never “unsee.” Awkward.

It’s amusing when you, as a female, tell guys that you’re not dating because your working on your career and they continue to try to convince you that, your the one… What part of, I’m not dating don’t you get? Not dating. No one. Including you. You’re most likely, not different, and I’m too exhausted from what I’m accomplishing for myself to care about your feelings. Stay friends. Let’s network together. Which makes me, the bitch. Sigh. Can’t win. What gives? It’s like the more I resign from the dating game, the more testosterone flies in my general direction. Forcing me to move like Neo in The Matrix just to evade the male, smoke-blowing shrapnel. And if you think coming at me “different,” means doing the opposite of being a gentleman will get you the job of boyfriend, keep in mind, that you, who says I wear too much makeup and need my teeth whitened, puts you right in the no fly zone. Think again buster. Thanks for flattering me with your verbal incontinence. You planning on paying for my teeth whitening? No, I didn’t think so. Shut the fuck up. And I have nice teeth, by the way, go choke on a turnip. Oh you want to have sex with me? Thanks, so does every guy with a penis. Fantastic, take a number and wait for it to be called. Even though the DMV may make you take a number but keep in mind, usually only one gets to go to the window before closing. Chances are you won’t be that lucky with me. Sure, you have the number in  hand, ready to jump on my Plexiglas window; But, no B289 will be called. And if its not you, take off another day of work tomorrow and try your luck again. DMV would tell you that, right? Sorry, we couldn’t help you today. Make an appointment. We’ll lose that too. Still probably won’t call you… but we enjoy watching you try! Long and short of it is, whether you decided to climb down the rabbit hole with the blue pill or figured you’d just take the boring red one putting you into a sleep stupor, I’m long gone on another job. So, thanks sir, we appreciate your kind graces. Please take your seat and wait for your number to be called while we peruse your application.

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