I’m half asleep at the wheel of my iPhone and I need to charge it, badly. While perusing the mall, taking a break from less exciting tasks, I go in search of an outlet. A never-ending search. There’s seating everywhere and upon each sitting area there are absolutely no charging stations. What the hell is going on here? Even the airport has a place to sit, eat and charge. Am I hearing mmmmmm bop playing overhead? I cruise around the first bend and no luck. Oooo but I see a Swarovski Store. I should remind myself to pick up new martini glasses. Swarovski… Martini glasses. Still no plug outlet though. Then I travel around the second wide turn, oooo is that a California Pizza Kitchen? Wait. I don’t like the service at that restaurant. Last time I went there I had my sisters rowdie kids with us and they made us wait so long to seat us that we ended up leaving. Probably planned. The hostess was a snobby wench and maybe we deserved the witchery that ensued that day. Her kids were running around screaming like they’ve never been paddled. Or, out in public before. Most likely, both issues were prevalent. Outlet, outlet, outlet… Find a darn outlet. They’ve got to have tables nearby walls with electrical sockets, right? Ooo hot waiter guy…. But still no sockets. Ugh. Wrong. Note to self… Keep hating California Pizza Kitchen.
Driving my annoyed legs down another corridor of this vast ocean of retail madness, in abuprtly stopped out of my inner -no-outlet loathing- of thoughts. “Hello, your cute.” Excuse me what? “Would you like to try a falafel?” Huh? Does it come with a plug? Did you just say i was cute? Thanks but I’m allergic to wheat. “Oh, these are gluten-free.” Of course they are cute snack shack guy. I’m on a mission here… Focus. Bye, gotta run. Good falafels though, yum! Holy crap. What is this I see? I come to a balcony and find… Ooo A piano. No. No time for that. My world will end if my phone suffocates to death here at the mall. A pillar with an outlet. I can’t believe it. There’s no benches near it, shocker, but I’m not stuck up enough to care right now. I sit my happy ass down and plug in my phone. Finally! I glance back down at the pretty black and white keys on the first floor and I cannot believe what I’m seeing. It’s an electric grand piano and -wtf- that damn thing is plugged into the floor! Of course it is, bc I have finally found a plug. Now that I no longer need a plug. There’s a conveniently placed plug… For an instrument, with which normally does not need a plug.
Suddenly, a girlfriend of mine interrupts my thoughts because she’s having trouble breathing and her inhaler isn’t working right. See?! I told you I couldn’t leave my phone’s fate in the hands of it’s own battery. This is an Urgent call! I’m going to save the day and possibly my friends life today! I could be on the news for protecting the innocent and uplifting the weak! I will be a hero! She asks me to pick something up that will alleviate her symptoms and as I walked by a vitamin store, I think, oh! This would definitely have what she needs and I march right in there and ask for steeling metals….
Damn this day… I need a nap.
